Don't know what to do! Confused!

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New Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/29/2006 11:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Everyone!  I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder a little over 10 years ago. Before my hubby and I got married I was going to therapy once a week, and my therapist tried to explain to my hubby what Bipolar Disorder was and how it affects people. I don't think it got through to my hubby. My parents(which are both Bipolar) have tried to explain to him that my lashing out and getting angry aren't my fault. But I think he really thinks that it is my fault that I can control it. I stop taking my meds b/c of family members and friends telling me I will be better off without the meds,that the meds stopped me from coping with my life, that I need to face my life and my problems without the medication. Last night hubby and I got into a argument because he told me he didn't know what was wrong with me or what was going on in my head, he said that I get so angry and lash out at him for no reason or I will sit and cry. We just about seperated , and I don't want that and I don't think he wants that. So, I called my grandmother who has always been there for me to talk to, and I told her what happend and I ask her if she thinks I need to go back to the doctor and get my meds back, she told me no that I wasn't Bipolar and that I didn't need the medication. I have looked at my grandmother for guidance all my life. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I need to find a hole and hide in it. To be honest I was just wanting my grandmother to give me support. My hubby don't understand me, my grandmother don't understand me, and most of all I don't understand me.
I know I need to go get back on my meds but I am scared to. I don't want to be put in a hospital.
I have so many emotions running through me right now. I really don't know what to do anymore. I am afraid that I will lose my hubby .
Please can someone give me some advise?

Ellie 1
Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 3/29/2006 11:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi lilducky
Unless members of your family have medical degrees, I would head back to the dr. and see what he thinks. If you feel you may have been misdiagnosed, by all means find a new pdoc, but I wouldn't go on the advice of someone who knows nothing about this.
Also, going back on meds does not necessarily mean you'll end up in hospital. I was off for 15 years, (not good years either) and when I went back on I didn't require hospitalization.
Good luck to you lilducky and welcome to Healingwell
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 204
   Posted 3/29/2006 12:17 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Ducky - I'm sorry to hear that you've been having a rough time. I'm with Ellie and would strongly suggest eliminating as much subjectivity here and getting in to a doctor and have another evaluation immediately. If you're not happy with what your doctor has to say, get a second opinion. It is important that you are comfortable with your doctor and their ability to determine what is the root of the problem whether it is BP or not.

If for whatever reason you felt the medication wasn't working, you need to talk to a pdoc about that. The medication helps us to level the playing field and face life with a clear approach. It isn't a cure all but it has the ability to help create balance where we would otherwise not have control and tackle the other things in our life for which we do have the ability to change.

I think that my Left Brain is working over time today, but I completely agree with Ellie that you need to put the advice of your family on hold until you can find medical attention that meets your needs. It is your life and your body and untreated BP is a volatile situation.

Take care and I hope that you can find some peace in the situation,

Ashley C
Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 95
   Posted 3/31/2006 7:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome to healingwell Ducky!

This site has been extremely helpful to me in offering advice and just talking to others that are going through the same things as me. I agree with Ellie and Putter about seeing your doc about the diagnosis and being put back on meds.

As far as the family goes...I know exactly what you are going through! A year ago when my counselor first recommended me to get evaluated for bipolar disorder I thought she was crazy because I didn't feel weird in any way and thought that I was just stressed. My family truly talked me out of it when I explained what my counselor said. Everyone said that I was fine. I have always been known as the bubbly happy girl. A year later (recently) my moods took a turn for the worse and I became either extremely hyper and making bad decisions or sooo depressed that I was suicidal....all in the same week. I realized that I had to get help. I went to my med doc first and got blood tests to see if there were any physcial causes...there were none. Then I seen a psych and was diagnosed bipolar. Some of my family believed me because they seen what I had been through lately. Many people still didn't believe me and thought it was'nt serious and that I was misdiagnosed.

It hurts very badly when people you love and care about that you need support from don't support you because they think that you are fine. I know how it feels and it does hurt! The truth is, only you know how you feel. If your hubby has noticed the extreme mood changes and that you cry for no reason...he may be saying that he notices something is wrong. The reason many people who say nothing is wrong may only see one side of you. Everyone that didn't think anything was wrong with me were people who only seen the happy side of me. My husband helped by expaining how serious I have been and some have came around...some have not. Don't let your family prevent you from getting the help you need. I did, and I almost killed myself!

As far as meds...I udnerstand that you are scared. You made the comment that when you were on your meds your family said that "I will be better off without the meds,that the meds stopped me from coping with my life, that I need to face my life and my problems without the medication." According to what your family said, it may have been that you was on too strong of a dose of your meds that maybe made you feel numb to problems and have numb emotions. Being numb to life's problems and emotions can be hard on you and your family, and if your meds were too strong that may be why.

I, too was scared of becoming numb like a robot and was afraid of my meds. I have been taking a mood stablizer called lamictal for a week now...and it has helped me tremedously. I am only taking 25 mg a day, but my dosage slowly increases until I reach 100 mg a day by week 5. With this medicine, I feel that I can be myself and have normal emotional responses without being out of control. The way I have described the change is that before the meds it was like someone was in a control center in my brain pushing buttons to make me act certain ways. It wasn't that life's stress or happiness was making me too happy or too sad, it felt like a button was being pressed by someone other than me making me react certain ways when NOTHING was making me act that way in my life. Now it feels like the only person controlling my brain and emotions is me. I can control my emotions and when Iam happy I have a reason and I am not too happy I am uncontrollable! When I do get upset it is because of stress and I am not suicidal! I have expreinced this wonderful change in only a week.

I wish the best for you! Don't let your family make the decisions for you, only you know how you feel. Talk to your doc and explain how you are feeling and that you are afraid of meds. I would recommend has been great for me. Talk to your doc and keep us posted!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 3/31/2006 5:16 PM (GMT -7)   
my heart went out to instantly when i read your posting...pls, if you listen to anything or anyone else, listen to me and what i have to say.
DO NOT let your family, friends, or husband tell you
-how you feel
-how you should feel
-to be on meds or not to be on meds
the ONLY person besides youself that should be directly involved with your condtion is a pdoc or doc.  period.  everyone else is either there for unconditional support or they're not there at all.  unfortunately you have to set boundaries with your family b/c the bottom line is that you have to put yourself FIRST
i think you should seek help with the pros b/c they understand and care, and i care about your well being very much
there is no one on this earth who is not in the business/practice of mental illness. or is patient, that knows what they're talking about on this issue.  it's only us, and the pros
sorry if i sound harsh, but i am sick and tired of society being so hard on us, let alone our own family and loved ones.  especially when it comes to medication.  there are safe ways to take medicine and when ppl are sick, they need to take medicine, it is that simple
lots of love and support anytime
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