Looking for my smile

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Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 3/31/2006 12:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Can anyone out there help me find my smile? I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder a month and a half ago and recently diagnosed (two weeks ago) with hypothyroidism. My meds currently are Lithium, Effexor and Synthroid. I can not remember the last time I truly felt joy. I was watching a movie today that I haven't seen since I was a kid and I just started to cry because I was remembering how great it felt when I was a kid and I was happy and full of hope and joy. Just a year ago I was looking into going back to school but never got around to it (mostly because of my depression and having no self esteem). I am currently out of work while trying to adjust my meds and figure out the new medicated me but I miss the old silly happy me. But then again were alot of those silly phases in the past just manic episodes? I just wish I could punch myself on the side of the head and say SNAP OUT OF IT and POOF! like magic my head will be all back to normal. I have been looking for a support group in my area and haven't found one and my husband is very understanding but it is getting harder and harder trying to make him get what is going on in my head. Has anyone out there been where I am right now? Did you find your silly smile? Please let me know and I will be so appreciative of any and all response.
~ Trish sad
*In the time of chimpanzees, I was a monkey

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 3/31/2006 1:21 PM (GMT -7)   
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about three years ago.  Right after that I went through a pretty bad depression.  Mostly I was pretty hard on myself for everything I did while manic.  School was out for the semester, and I was unable to get a job for the summer because of the med adjustment.  I ended up sleeping a lot of the day, and was pretty sad most of the time.  I think after a manic episode and having a major diagnosis it takes time to recover.
I did eventually get over the depression part and the medication adjustment period.  I took things slowly to accomplish my goals.  I went back to school in the fall and took classes, but I did not get a job until the following summer.  I slowly started to feel better, and then I started to feel perfectly normal. Most people would not geuss that I suffer from bipolar disorder because I appear just fine.  It might take some time to feel like your old self again, but I am sure it will happen eventually.

Ashley C
Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 95
   Posted 3/31/2006 7:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Mommasox, I can relate completely! I was always known as the bubbly girl who made everyone smile and laugh. Everyone thought I was so happy...but inside I was hurting. I was diagnosed a few weeks ago. I have been on Lamictal and it has been helping me so much! I feel like I can feel normal emotions and that I can control myself. I know how it feels to feel no joy and want to be back to your old self. I have been depressed for a few months and today I took my medicine late. Right before taking my medicine, I began to go into a manic attack. I was laughing uncontrolably and making goofy sounds for like 30 minutes straight. I was having a great time...but I was driving my husband insane. I have been so depressed that even something as simple as laughing and making silly noises made me feel better. I didn't want to take my meds today because of how good I was feeling for a change opposed to the depression. My husband noticed how bad my mood was changing and how hyper I was and he made me take it. Right now I am on the lowest dose and by week five my dose will be increased to 100mg. I am on 25 a day now. My medicine has helped me alot. Another thing that helps me is to remember the past and the good times. My husband and I are going through one of the deepest valleys in our life we have ever been in right now due to financial and family problems along with my illness. We read some of our old love letters and looked old pictures from when we first started dating last night and it took me back to that time making me smile. Reminice about the past for a while...it may make you feel better. I hope that your meds help and that you once again find that silly smiler down inside you!
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