I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I feel okay, but most of the time I can't think straight and I get really scared, because I don't know how I am ever going to feel calmness again in my life. I no longer enjoy all the things I used to. I just can't muster up the motivation or interest anymore. I actually go today for a mood stabilizer.
I have a very concerned husband, but deep down, he doesn't really understand me. He thinks that I can will myself better. I have tried, I just can't control myself or my emotions. I have found a few things that make me feel....something/better. I used to listen to rap and hip hop music, but in the past couple of years I have slowly turned to metal (Seether, COLD). Going to their concerts makes me feel awesome. The physical and mental struggle of being in the front row. Also, instead of cutting myself, like you mentioned, I have taken to getting tattoos. Same thrilling pain, yet I feel awesome when my new tatt is blazing and beautiful.
Hang in there! There are other people that feel the same pain and confusion as you. This is a great website and everyone here has been wonderful in answering questions.