Im Hurting So Bad, Does Anyone Have Advice?

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New Member

Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 5/14/2006 9:21 PM (GMT -7)   
sad   Im hurting so bad and i dont know how to deal with it. I left my boyfriend ive been with 4 years because there was verbal and physical abuse, but i love him so much. I feel like i will never find anyone to love me like he did. Im so alone and everytime i think about him i get all upset and am ready to inflict pain on myself to take the pain off him. I feel so lost, i dont want to let go but i know its for the best, but i just cant let go, i dont want to. Im so scared, alone, and confused. He always told me i was crazy and have issues, but at the same time he gave me the comfort that i wanted. I feel like im addicted to him. I dont want to take him back but im afraid i will because i dont want to feel the pain. If anyone has any advice to help me get through this without taking him back or hurting myself im all ears. Im really afraid, and alone, scared, missunderstood, and hurt. Please someone give me some encouragement. i dont know what to do?????? confused

Ellie 1
Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 5/15/2006 6:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Abbey,
All I can really say is hang in there. I was in an abusive situation for more than a decade. It seems that sometimes there is comfort in the familiar, even if its a terrible situation. Change is often more frightening than the abuse. Don't go back. You and I both know it won't stop and it won't get better. Any man that hits you once will certainly hit you again no matter how many tears he sheds or what promises he makes. And the verbal abuse is often worse than the blows. I remember wishing my ex would just hit me and get it over with and end the awful things he was saying to me.
I've been where you are. Alone is frightening at first. You'll become more comfortable with the situation as time goes on and realize the freedom you've gained. Congrats for having the strength to get out of the relationship. Thats a huge step! Just hold on. It will get better.
Take Care
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 160
   Posted 5/15/2006 7:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Ashley:
My first husband was an alcoholic and very abusive.  I was soooooooo in love with him that I married him a second time so I know how you feel.
There's a kind of excitement and thrill in getting this type of guy to love us--my relationship with my ex was very passionate unlike my current marriage to a non-alcoholic.  See if you can find the book Women Who Love too Much--it's open your eyes big-time.  When I read it years after divorcing my ex, I got physcially ill it hit soooooooo close to home.
Right now you're severely depressed and you're viewing life through a dark prism rather than reality.  It's really tough to accept that, but try to tell yourself that your depression is clouding your thinking and once the depression lifts, you'll be able to see the situation more realistically.
Maybe you could write him a letter as an exercise telling him how he hurt you by detailing some of his more outrageous antics.  That would help you remember why you left him and bring put things in perspective.  It's really tough not to remember all the good times and conveniently forgot how he hurt you. 
Hope that helps a bit.

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