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New Member

Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 6/26/2006 11:05 AM (GMT -7)   
At this moment in my life, there is not one person that I can talk to about how I'm feeling that understands.  Only a handful of my friends know that I'm BPII, and they have given up on me.  I had a good friend that got me a job in her law firm as a receptionist, but I ended up hating it and quit, and she has since decided that I am not helping myself so she is now more of a "fringe friend" who doesn't want to be close.  Another friend that I hadn't seen in a while, an old co-worker, met me for lunch a few weeks ago.  We used to be very close but had been out of touch for a while.  We used to tell each other everything.  I told her about the BPII, and haven't heard from her since.  I guess she doesn't want to have a friend who may be high maintainance. 
I try to be a good friend. I listen to others, provide support, etc.  It seems like when I open up all that changes.  So now I feel very isolated and unsocial.  I am working at a restaurant, serving, and have a few aquaintances there, but no friends.  I meet with a group of women nearly every week to knit and socialize, but the friend I mentioned above who got me the job that I quit is in that group and I think she "warned" the others about me because they treat me differently now.  I've been going through a lot lately and have no outlet to process this stuff.  My husband is wonderful but has always shied away from conflict and honestly he does not know what to say or do to help.  So I immerse myself in activities that distract me from thinking about how I feel.  Can't afford a therapist on meds but need an adjustment because I'm in a severe depressed state.  Going to my doctor for that on Thursday.  She's been great in the past about listening to me about the meds and working with me.  I don't qualify for assistance on the therapy.  We have insurance but don't make enough to afford the amount of therapy I need.  I tried this [therapy] before and ended up abandoning it, owing my psychologist money...just another thing to feel guilty about
I'm a creative person.  I teach knitting classes and can do just about everything "crafty". It's really been a salvation but I do tend to immerse myself into it so much that I avoid problems in my life.  I also used to be a writer but feel fuzzy on the meds and can't seem to get my act together enough to get back to it.  I left a well-paying job of 10 years as a result of the BPII.  I couldn't handle it anymore, wasn't doing what I was supposed to, and left before they could fire me.  Since then life has been pretty rough for me and my family.
I don't really know what I want to gain from this post.  I guess I needed a place to express how I'm feeling because I know there are others here in the same boat as me.  Perhaps some suggestions on how to cope better.  I know I would benefit from therapy but until that's an option again, what else can I do? As far as the meds go I am on Lamictal (200 mg), Effexor (150 mg), and Estrogen/Testosterone (2.5mg/2.5mg) because I had a hysterectomy a few years ago and need the hormone replacement.  Something in this combination is not working because the depression is getting worse.  I'm considering Lithium because I've heard that sometimes works quickly to alleviate depressive symptoms.  Suggestions?

Ellie 1
Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 6/26/2006 11:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Mist
I think that many of us here have been where you are. You would think that as far as science has come, there wouldn't be such a social stigma on mental illness. I don't feel it is something that we should have to hide, but I must admit to being very selective about who I reveal my diagnosis to. Many people simply don't understand.
Could it be also, that because of your depressed state that you may be reading more into peoples reactions than is actually meant? I know when I'm down, I tend to feel that noone cares about me and my friends have abandoned me, when that is simply not the case.
And if they are acting differently, and shying away from you, perhaps they don't know much about the disorder and are afraid of saying the wrong thing.
I will say, I have lost friends because of this. Or at least people I had perceived as friends. True friends don't bail in a crisis. They are the ones who walk in as everyone else walks away.
You've found a good place in Healingwell. There is no judgement here, just support. Feel free to post often, even if its just to vent. We all need to do that sometimes.
Take Care

Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.

Post Edited (Ellie 1) : 6/26/2006 12:41:45 PM (GMT-6)

New Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/1/2006 5:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi..Iam new here..nice to met you. I know that ppl don't want to be around ppl who are mental..and I guess that is what the problem is.  I am anti social also. I stay home most of the time. AnnaDee2
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