i know what it's like growing up in a dysfunctional family (where are the Cleavers when you need them?). it just is.
i'm going to give you some tough love and you may get your feeling hurt. i don't do this very often, but your situation seems to warrant it. i'm not here to be liked; i'm here to share my experience and opinion.
your mother may never change. she's like an alcoholic. either she can't see that she has a problem or she refuses to see it. in either case, pray for her - or send her your healing thoughts - and take care of yourself.
i don't know how old you are. age gives you options. if you were 18, you could get out of the house and do your own thing or join the military (not a bad life at all). i don't know how viable this is any more, but over 40 yrs ago i worked my way through college and grad school. it could be done then, it may ba able to be done now.
the important thing is for you to let lose of your mother and let her find her own path. many people have to reach rock bottom before they start up. maybe your mother is one of those. all that you will suceed in doing by trying to help her is to get her angry and let her take her anger out on you.
with a great deal of love,