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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 10/5/2006 3:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello all,
It's 5:41 am and I still have not gone to sleep...and I can tell I am not going to go to sleep anytime soon. For the past few weeks I
have been home with nothing to do or anywhere to go, other than the occasional doc appt. I finally got to the point where I can
no longer hold a job and I applied for SSI/SSD, in the meantime I am taking care of my 15 year old daughter and myself on
county assistance. I HATE IT!!!! I feel like such a loser..for the most part I have been depressed,lethargic and plain bored. When I do
sleep its only for a few hours and I wake repeatedly during the night. I stopped the Xanax I was taking because at least my
anxiety WAS under control and I am only on 50 mg of Seroquel which seems to be doing nothing. It does not knock me out, and Xanax
just makes me drowsy but not enough to sleep.
On top of all this, last night my 15 year old daughter came into my room last night and told me she feels she is mature enough to
have sex, and wanted to tell me and not hide it from me. That is what has sent me over the edge. I tried to be the calm, cool
and collected Mom since she was comfortable enough to tell me the truth. She is ADHD, by the way, and I feel this speaks
volumes to her impulsivity. When I ask her why now? All she can tell me is she is ready, and her mind is set. She claims she has
not acted on it and wanted to talk to me first. Finally, I blew up and told her she was out of her mind and now she says she will
not talk to me about it anymore and will just talk to her therapist, whom she started the whole topic with. I am sick about the
whole thing. And the fact that the therapist seems to be telling her to discuss it with her partner (!!!!!) has me furious! It's as
if she is saying its okay for a 15 year old to be considering sexual activity.
I can't chain her up in her bedroom, and being a teen once myself I know there are ways around everything.
I feel myself getting manic and I am afraid that this whole thing with my daughter is going to send me over the deep end. The
first night after she told me I took 2 mg of the Xanax which I had not touched in weeks. I am only supposed to take .5 mg. I
needed an escape....but I won't do it again. In my heart, I feel like this is one battle I am going to lose and I don't know what to
do anymore. This is not the kind of thing you can give a spanking for....and if I forbid her to see the boy they will just sneak
around. I can't talk to my family because their solution is to beat the hell out of everything, and ask questions later. I can't
remember everything I said to her, but I let her know she is NOT mature enough to handle the pressures and responsibilty of
sex, and I absolutely will not support that decision. I told her I regretted having sex too soon, and that this is something she
can never get back again. I explained the mindset of teenage boys, and she still says she *LOVES* him and this is it.
In a nutshell, how can I continue to be an effective parent when I feel myself cracking up!!! I got to hold it together...how the
hell do I explain this kind of a trigger to my doctor? Even without BP I imagine a parent would be beside theirselves over this.
If you read all this, I appreciate it, this turned out to be more of a rant than anything else. All I can do is pray to God that
something I said will make her realize what a mistake this would be.

Post Edited (SUNSHINY) : 10/5/2006 4:35:47 AM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 10/5/2006 6:12 AM (GMT -7)   
for the last few weeks i have been manic and unable to sleep.  i take sleeping pills and they don't always work.  last night was the first night in weeks that i slept without a pill (maybe it was just residual drugs)  i don't have a clue as to what triggered me, but this is not a good place to be.  keep taking your meds and see your pdoc asap because an adjustment seems necessary.
teens and sex! it would be funny if it were not so serious and life-changing.  i remember when i was a teenager almost half a century ago - but let's not go there :-) .  i can't really give you advice because what my wife and i did with our daughter and grandaughter didn't work.  like your daughter, they were in *LOVE*.  makes me want to puke my guts out.
unlike when i was a teen, not only is sex life-changing, it is also DANGEROUS.  in addition to the traditional syphalis and gongoria, there is now aids and a host of other ones that can kill you, cause cervical o uterine cancer - the list if frightening.  i know that this may sound aweful to you, but make da*n sure that your daughter NEVER has unprotected sex.  i would make sure she had condoms and knew how to use them.  to me, the life of a child is more important than any church's concept of "morality".  as you know, a teen will do what a teen wants to do.  all that any of us can do is help protect them as best we can.   if this means condoms and birth control for a 15 yr old, then so be it and may god smile on the decision.  of course i'm jewish and we place life, especially the life of a child, above everything.  our toast is l'chiam - "to life."
i hope you love your daughter enough to both council her against premature sex and to protect her from the consequences.

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 10/5/2006 7:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Shiny,
I have been in hypomanic phase and was headed toward mania too.  I am in the middle of switching meds around and my doc added seroquel for sleep, in addition to klonopin and ambien.  Not sleeping is such a huge trigger for bipolar swings.  Call your doc--something needs to give.  one night's sleep is not enough.
As for your daughter, forgive yourself for reacting--you don't just have bipolar, you are a human mom.  Of course it is a little freak out time when your teen says they are ready for sex.  But she is not you.  Her experiences in todays world are different than ours were.  It is amazing she came to you at all--most kids wouldn't.  The words, I'm sorry--lets try this again go a long way.  I agree with Warren.  Help her to keep herself safe and protected, no matter what her choices.
Not being in control of our kids actions is so hard.
I hope you have some real sleep soon.  Take care.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 10/5/2006 4:47 PM (GMT -7)   
my wife reminded me that it is possible to innoculate a child before she becomes sexually active against the hpv virus which is an std that causes cervical cancer. any parent should do their research on hpv and make an informed decision to take preventative measures. and if you think that your "little girl" wouldn't do that, statistics show that you are either a fool or deluding yourself.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 10/6/2006 1:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sunshiny,

Great advice so far -- yes, get to your pdoc and get help on the old meds: you probably need an adjustment to doses at the very least.

On the question of your daughter, I think following the "these are all the things you have to take into account if you're going to have intercourse" line might be really effective. Get her a load of pamphlets and talk her through the diseases and what precautions are needed to ensure that she's not at risk. -- Might freak her out enough that it delays the inevitable for a while! lol Given the age that young people seem to be starting having sex these days, I do think it's good that she talked to you about it first (even if you don't think she's mature enough for this step) as it gives you a chance to make sure that she is more responsible in how she makes this move than if you simply realised it was going on after the fact. -- Good to make sure she gets into good habits early.

I suppose I'm torn on the age thing: for the last couple of centuries in particular, there's been an emphasis on people waiting till they're older to have sex (and of course until it's legal). The only problem with that is that history tells us that this may not be what humans are "naturally" designed to do, so it's always fighting a losing battle. After all, people used to get married *a lot* younger (certainly before today's legal age for sex) and that was fitted to the biology of reproduction. I think you're right that maturity is a bigger issue today: I do think that young people mature later now -- not inherently their fault, but rather how society has moved: young people have few reasons to be mature when the world is geared towards looking adter them and keeping them amused. -- Well, certainly in the West (and of course in different parts of the world where responsibility arrives earlier, so does marriage -- but then the West had the Victorians to deal with! lol).

So I guess I'm saying that this is a very tricky subject and the law and maturity tend to be at odds with biological factors as well as peer pressure and teenage rebellion. Stress to your daughter the responsibilty for her health and safety that she takes on if she takes this step: it's never to early -- or too late -- to foster a bit of maturity.

Rosie x

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...


Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

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