Welcome to HW! -- Hope you find some of the answers you're looking for here. We may not know the meaning of life (yet -- give us time -- and anyway, it's 42), but we are a group who do "get" where you're coming from.
It does sound to me like there's more going on here than "regular" (i.e. unipolar) depression -- and "verbal diarrhoea" and racing thoughts/emotions are characteristic of bipolar -- as are suicidal thoughts and substance abuse ("self-medicating"). However, I should also add that none of us here are medical doctors and this is something that does need proper diagnosing by a psychiatrist. -- Well, you have a psychiatrist, so you're already ahead of me there! Have you talked to him/her about diagnosis? Has he/she ever mentioned "manic depression" to you (another name for bipolar)? A diagnosis is definitely something to push for as soon as possible: whatever you're suffering from, there are many treatments available, and these things *can* be managed. I'd mention your query over bipolar (and maybe do some reading up on it too -- Judy "Judyinky" posted some great links on bp 1 and 2 very recently and you should be able to find info to start you off there) and see if that sparks some action.
If you are bipolar, then an anti-depressant on its own (which Citalopram is -- that's Celexa for you US folks!) can trigger manic episodes. So, as I say, a diagnosis is crucial: if you're bp, you need a mood stabiliser of anti-psychotic along with the anti-depressant so that both ends of the spectrum are covered.
Oh, and bear in mind that "manias" can be "euphoric" or "dysphoric" -- i.e. they can be real energetic highs, or you can have all the energy and racing thoughts without the good feeling (usually a bp 2 thing).
Do keep posting. -- Great to meet you!
P.S. I'm guessing from the cider reference, the use of the word "citalopram" instead of the US brand name "Celexa", and the phrasing that you're from the UK. -- Am I right?! Am I right?! -- Do I get a prize?!? :) I'm down Portsmouth way myself.
People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...
Moderator, Bipolar Forum