Hi Stressed and Rosie. I am on the Chronic Pain group and thought I'd check this site because my husband too is bipolar and I need some advise.
We started dating over 5 years ago and things seemed really great. He was funny, witty, very spontaneous and very neat (home). I didn't know he had bipolar. After 7 months he started acting weird towards me in order for me to break up with him. That was his pattern and I sent him a letter saying that some of my stuff was still over at his place and why? He had told me he loved me and we were getting along great. Well, we talked and he told me that it was his pattern and after reailzing what he had done he asked if we should try it again. Now I'm thinking what an idiot. 2 months after we got back together he had an anerusym and was rushed to the ER. Turned out to be a birth defect that caused this and by this time I felt I could not abandon him. I stuck through all his medical procedures and one had given him a mini stroke. I took on all the household chores and kept the family together, he has 2 step kids. We got married 1 year ago this month and honestly I wished I had ran from the alter a year ago. He isn't on medication, says he likes who he is w/o it. Takes OTC stuff to help him sleep.
Well, he tells me a lot he loves me but there is very little compassion. He is now a workaholic, he has a new job in the same company he's worked at for years. He calls himself an expert on this field which he's only been doing it for about
6 months. He always talks about
his work and how important he is. I know this is bipolar and I try to shrug it off. He always talks about
his medical stuff. Anyone and everyone that will listen. This is really getting to the point where I'm going to blow up while he's talking and I know that would be very bad.
During his recovery, I took on all the household stuff and now that he's in a better place, I feel he should be taking on some of the chores and other things to help with the house and he hasn't. He tells me all I have to do is ask. I think this is a guy thing but when I do say can you do the dishes, sometimes he tells me he will but there they sit. I don't ask again because I do not want to become a nag. He has a fit when I say something about
his kids (17 and 14) and he makes it very clear that I am not the kids' mom. I tell him I'm not trying to be. He doesn't focus on them either so I don't take his lack of attention too personally. They however are a whole nother story I won't go into. I'll send him an email or text message and he doesn't reply even if I'm asking him a question. I stopped calling him at work a long time ago because he always made me feel like an annoyance.
Example, we went to celebrate our 1st anniversary and after me waiting too long to book a hotel (did this on pupose) he booked a room and cost $250 which was definitely over priced and did not buy a greeting card. I didn't expect a gift but I did a card. I bought him one. I was hurt. Once again, no effort on his part. He asked me if I had a good weekend and I said yes but was disappointed I didn't get a card. He was irritated and said honestly a card was the furthest from his mind that he wanted to make sure that I didn't have to worry about
anything. He booked the room, that's it. We had to find a place to dine and this was a small town so it's not like he had to scroll through pages of pages to find a hotel. This is just one example.
I honestly believe that he is showing is true self or he isn't trying as hard with our relationship. I plan on bringing up counseling to him because honestly I am about
fed up but have put in so much time and emotions in him and I really do love him. He is causing me more stress than I need with my chronic pain condition and I believe is making me worse. I need to start looking out for me because I feel that I am the only one. Your partner shouldn't make you feel like you're dealing with something alone.
I tried not to elaborate too much so it wouldn't be too long so hopefully this made sense. What he does or says is contradictory and a lot of times I think I'm going crazy.
Thanks for listening and any advice would be appreciated.
Severe DDD L5-S1 and L4-5, arthritis, nerve pain and numbness in both legs.
Post Edited (helpless06) : 10/30/2006 4:07:55 PM (GMT-7)