recently diagnosised

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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 11/2/2006 4:33 AM (GMT -7)   
yeah  was recently diagnosised with Bipolar Disorder 1 in a mixed episode.  I have known for years that there was something just not right with me.  I would do anything, I would say anything, I was depressed of and one for years.  I have taken 10 to 15 different anti-depressants none of them working.  I also have anxiety disorder and was on zoloft up until 3.5 weeks ago when I was switched to Lamictal and Geodon because of the bp.  Now my anxiety is terrible I can take klonipin, which used to make me sleep for days, now nothing seems to help.  I take the meds sleep maybe 3 to 5 hours a night and then I am up the rest of the time.  I am so afraid of going into a depression that if I wake up i stay up,  wether that is midnight or 3:00am.  I feel really angry that I have been labeled yet there is huge relief also.  Being a nurse I feel confused because I should know all about this disorder and do not.  People keep saying I have to look at it as having diabetes,  I have a illness.  I almost have to laugh because diabetics have a problem with there pancrease and can take meds and change diet to make them better.  My brain is sick which in turn affects the way I functions daily and can not just tell my self to get rid of those feelings. The brain controls everything you can't just take it out like a gallbladder or appendix and its all better.  I would like to know exactly what in the brain is not working properly to cause bipolar.  Can anyone help me?  Thanks tongue

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 11/2/2006 8:44 AM (GMT -7)   
I was diagnosed not too long ago and have been through a plethora of meds since. I know how you feel. My father had cancer this past year and I remember thinking-- at least they can fix him and he will be better. Isn't that horrible? I even wrote to the Cleveland Clinic to see if I could have my adrenal glands removed. But, having a mental disorder means it's not going to go away. But, there are meds that help us, just like diabetics or those with cancer. And, when we find the right ones we will feel better. Keep your chin up, I know I'm trying. You are not alone. You are no where near alone. This is a great place to come and vent. I have found hope and help here and you can too.

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 11/2/2006 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   
It is not horrible to feel that way. What we have never goes away we just have better days. Thank you so much for your reply support and hope is only found through those who understand.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 11/3/2006 1:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Pretending -- nice to meet you and welcome to HW. Sorry I wasn't by yesterday to read your post.

I'm not surprised none of those anti-depressants worked: for a bp sufferer, without a mood stabiliser or anti-psychotic in the mix, anti-depressants have a bad habit of making things worse by triggering manic or hypomanic episodes. Chances are, you may go back onto one of those anti-depressants in the future, but this time with the right meds to balance things out. Also, anti-depressants are often used to treat anxiety as well (which is more linked to depression than mania), and so it may be that it is being without the anti-depressant that's brought your anxiety back worse. Can you have a talk with your pdoc and find out what his/her plan is here? He/she might be starting you on the Lamictal and Geodon (mood stabilser and anti-psychotic respectively, I think) to see how you cope with those before introducing an anti-depressant -- and he/she might have felt that this would be easier for you to accept after so much "bad luck" (which of course it wasn't -- just not right for bp) with anti-ds.

I agree, it's difficult to feel in control when your brain is sending the wrong signals, but in certain respects the brain is teachable. When I was in an acute anxiety and depression period over the summer, triggered by problems with my bipolar ex (though not really *because* of him, as d/a-p is something I just have anyway), I bought books on bp to try to give myself some more rational help with some of my ex's more difficult behaviour on than I could bring to it. I found one night, when I'd been in a terrible state, that going to the books and reading these clear explanations really soothed me, gave me a sense of things not being alien and impossible to understand or help with (and it made *me* feel better as well as helping me to see how my ex might). I would really recommend this too you: bp is scarey to the newly diagnosed -- and probably the more so if you have an anxiety disorder as part of it or as an adjunct to it. -- But finding out more can help to reduce the fear, and reading is a good anxiety reliever -- except sometimes when people symptom-surf online -- but that's normally because there's limited info (enough to make people worry, but not enough for them to see that they don't actually have x or y disease!), and you as a nurse will be good at seeing that!!

There are a lot of good books on bp. I always recommend David Miklowitz "Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide" because it's the one that helped me most (is a good balance of case-studies, science, coping therapy, etc.), but you may be more drawn to more clinical studies (there's a Bipolar Disorder journal with lots of articles). In any case, this kind of thing may help take the fear away a bit and help to lessen the anxiety.

Do keep posting!

Rosie x

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...


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