of all of the cocamamie reasons to try to start smoking again! (((((rosie)))). i'm so sorry that you are hurting. and like dj says, panic attacks are the pits.
also to agree with dj, you must heal yourself before you can heal others. you have to take care of you first. we've all survived for this long and will probably all survive a while longer. good dgrief, we've only known each other a few months, rosie (seems like forever - in a good way).
i'll be sending good thoughts your way. good luck with the doc - hope he can help you get better.