Thank you to all of your wonderful responses, I cannot tell you much it all meant to me. I am here at work yet again exhausted beyond my limit, so reading your replies tonight has comforted me greatly.
So as for this lovely job I have and why I would lose it...It doesn't matter that it's not legal for someone to fire me b/c of this illness, they would still do it, and little "crazy" me wouldn't stand a chance in fighting it.
As for the meds, right now I cannot handle them. It's not a permanent solution, but my body is cannot take it, and niether can my mind for that matter.
I am enrolled in a bp support group that meets once a week in my area. I've only been to a few sessions, it just started, but at least it is something. My pdoc is, ABSOLUTELY no help and I am trying to find another one. I am also looking into counselling (one on one) to help me day to day as well.
I am over 21, so while the advice for the child pyschiatrist is helpful, it wouldn't apply to me...It is frustrating b/c I find the pdocs just don't care, AT ALL. I may even look into just going with a physician for the next little while.
Anyway, again thank you all, and you are all in my prayers and thoughts. This battle is super hard, but knowing we have each other is my saving grace.