need some advice

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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 130
   Posted 12/5/2006 5:17 PM (GMT -7)   
things are not good between me and family friends ive been hoping there would call my best friend came over but hrdly spoke i feel that she no longers cares doesnt show if she does i am thinking about dissapearing with my dog for a while been looking at bed and breakfasts and found one witch allows pets quite far way i just feel that nobody cares so i am thinking about going only thinking at the moment not sure for how long if i do go probaly be for 3 or4 days i wont tell anyone i dont think there would care ive never done anything likes this before i think the reason i  might do this is to see if there do care.thanks gaz i am really apprecative for everybody replys 

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 30
   Posted 12/5/2006 6:47 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm not sure what you're actually looking for here. Do you want advice or do you want someone to reaffirm that your leaving is a good idea? Well, for starters, I think that leaving without telling people is a bad idea. Without knowing what your situation is with your family and friends, I can certainly say that people around me wouldn't consider a 4 day absence (probably not even 60 days) abnormal.

The problem is, it seems difficult to comprehend how this will help anyway. What if they don't call? Is this really a sign that no one cares at all? Maybe to you, but I really doubt that's accurate to everyone else. If anything, disappearing just signals to everyone that "you" don't care. That's ok, but probably not what you would prefer in the long run. In trying to test relationships this way, your chances of success are dismal. Even if they call, you will feel unsatisfied, like with your best friend.

Do what you want... if you feel you have to. Still, I believe you're pretty well aware of what will happen. The whole thing is just going to make you feel worse... and that's the point. Is anyone's pity going to make it better? Maybe in the short term, but I doubt it will change the chemical imbalance within your brain. When I've pulled these things, my family worries sometimes, but eventually realizes that this makes little difference.

You will know who actually cares after this ordeal is over and when you get better. Then, you can find out which of your friends remain after you've hidden from them for an extended period. I'm not trying to be harsh. I've been through what your experiencing more than a few times. It sucks, no doubt. Think of the distant future though, maybe you have to avoid people now but if you just give them a heads up, they will probably be there later if they know what's going on. Trying to play games with them that they don't know they're playing just isn't going to work.

I really do hope that everything gets better. As impossible at it will be to seperate things at this point, try to realize that most of these thoughts and feelings are in your own mind. It won't last forever, you just have to roll with it and don't lose hope. What you do now probably won't change today, but it will have an impact on tomorrow when you feel better again.


Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 215
   Posted 12/5/2006 8:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Sometimes, time away can help you adjust your attitude and refresh you. I have done it and it has been a good thing. BUT going away and not telling seems manipulative to me. I'd tell someone if only to say, I am going to be gone for a few days of rest and relaxation. You don't have to elaborate.

I also firmly believe in paying someone to be there for you (a therapist) and I think you could use that right now. I paid someone to be there for me for a long time, about 3 yrs. Now, I don't need her any longer, but at the time, I was where you seem to be now, in your head.

Being that I suffer from both bipolar AND lupus that is constantly getting worse, being a person with a chronic illness which is what bipolar is, can be very taxing on those around us. It is natural for others, who have their own issues and difficulties in life, to get tired of us. I have worn out a number of friendships because I didn't see that I was my own worst problem. I still have these chronic illnesses and I will be lucky to live another 10 yrs with the way the lupus is going, but I don't wear people out anymore. I have to make a bit of an effort not to wear them out, but I know how to keep from it. Friends get on burn out, family members get on burn out. They are not trained to deal with these things that are two steps forward and one back all the time, but a therapist is. This is their main purpose for being. Pay someone to listen to it! The best part of a therapist is that you never ever have to hold yourself back, or worry about their feelings, or what they might think, you just let it ALL out. It is wonderful. After you have let it all out (and points in between) they can help you gain some perspective. Many of them can teach you skills that keep giving for a lifetime. I know, my therapist was a godsend. I regained some friendships and some family relationships with her help, and others like me now. Best of all, I like me...a lot.

I highly recommend it.
The Lady Dragonfly
Yes, it was me...I know because I was there when I did it. Lupus sufferer, bipolar II sufferer. Currently on Indocin for chronic pericarditis related to lupus, and cherishing every deep breath without pain. Currently in graduate school for mental health counseling, class of Fall 2007. Vegan and loving it!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 12/6/2006 12:35 PM (GMT -7)   
i am concerned about you.  one of the things that i have learned in my life is that what you do doesn't matter but WHY you do than and HOW you do them DO matter.
example:  when watergate broke, if nixon were not paranoid and egocentric, he could have made a spaech saying that he ordered the tapping of the dnc hq at watergate because he was concerned with nationmal security .  the psople of the unitrd states would have collectively said, "that makes sence" and the whole thing would have been forgotten and the politics of "legality" would never have come about.  it'sot that nixon tapped the phones at watergate, but that he refused to give the american people a handle for his actions.
if you want to go somewhere with juast your dog and you, that's fine.  sounds idyllic (maybe there's the rub).  but why are you doing it?  to get some kind of verification or validation from your friends and family? no offence, but that sounds as sick as nixon.
as dragonfly pointed out, you are in a no-win situation.  if they call, it's only because you caused a crisis and they don't really care anyway.  if they don't call they don't care and never did.  heads i win, tails you lose.
gaz, you're better than this attempt at juvinile "they'll miss me when i'm dead" behavior.  that's exactly what it is.  you leaving is just like you pulling your own plug.  except you get to watch your own funeral.  gaz, is that your idea of a good time?  i don't think so.
i wish you the best in whatever you decide.
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