Bipolar and sexual relations

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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 12/12/2006 12:09 PM (GMT -7)   
I've not been diagnosed with bipolar and i've never experienced full blown mania,but i suffer from depression the majority of time and i deffinetly get hypermania becasue i can relate almost all of the symptoms mentioned on various websites. Of course,it's easier to get a diagnosis from a psychiatrist or psychologist,i may be wrong in saying i suffer from bipolar 2,but as i say,many of the symotoms to interfere with my daily life.

I would just like to know,if anyone has problems with sexual relations? I don't know if this is something which has nothing to do with this illness,or if anyone else expierences this. For me,i find that i cannot link sexual thoughts,sex in general with a relationship/love. The girls i like,the girl's i get on with-i can not imagine sexual relations with,i cannoy interlink these two things. They unfortunatly seem like two completely different things for me,which leaves me feeling the need for sex with girls who i do not feel attracted to other than sexually,which,of course,isn't fair on those girls. I cant help,especially when drunk,feel the urdge for sex with girls who arn't remotley attractive to me,but seem sexy.

For most people i'm guessing the two things come hand in hand,i don't know how to solve this problem,i'm never had sex and i'm getting to the stage of desperation,purely because your body and mind gets to an age where it needs sex. I've had girlfriends in the past,but i couldn't perform because i didn't find them sexy once i'd got to know them,what i find sexy is purely not normal and i cannot understand what's going on in my mind when it comes to this topic,it's driving me literally insane. I've found myself desperate to get girls on webcam just to masterbate,it's a weakness and the guilt is overwhleming,i hope not to get judged on this.

Can you guys let me know if you's have any difficulties similar to this,or any sexual difficulties at all?


Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 12/12/2006 12:51 PM (GMT -7)   
First of all Kenny I want you to know that no-one is here to judge you.
With depression usually comes lack of interest in sex. With mania increased energy and loss of inhibition which can lead to inappropriate and impulsive behaviour - bipolar sufferers can sometimes be promiscuous.
When I am depressed I don't feel like having sex , but when I have mania very badly I am very forward , no inhibitions and I try different things to what I would usually.
I think that aswell as all the other things that are going on your hormones won't be helping decisions as they are all over the place. And also alcohol is going to affect your behaviour and judgement so it might help to stop drinking for a while , I think you would regret anything sexual you did whilst drunk.
Masterbation is a normal part of life and you should not feel guilty for doing it , although I feel it would be better to look at magazines , people on TV etc... than to trick girls to go on the webcam.
Please try and get yourself diagnosed as some BP symptoms can relate to other illnesses which are nothing to do with BP - it take a professional to tell the difference.
Take care ,
Smiler tongue

New Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 1/11/2007 7:00 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi there Kenny and Smiler :)

Kenny, I wanted to add to the encouragement that Smiler already gave you. I have been reading lots of these posts for a long time and until today when I read yours, I was feeling ashamed and scared to bring up my own problems. I shouldn't have felt that way though because of all the support I've seen on these boards from most of the members.

I've definately had my share of weird experiences that I can honestly say must have been the bipolar at work because there is no way I would do some of those things during a stable state of mind.

I agree that ********** is a normal part of life, and I hope I don't offend you by saying this, but you should also make sure you pay attention to how long and to what you are doing it to. Paying attention to little details like how often can really give you a clue as to how you might be doing, especially if you are getting hypomanic or manic and unable to notice it in yourself. The sexual signs are some of the first signs I notice in myself. If I were you, I would consider bringing this up to your therapist and seeing what they have to say. I know these things can be embarassing to talk about sometimes and when I feel nervous, I type up an outline and just bring it with me. lolol I know, that's geeky, but it's the only thing that works for me.
Good luck to you. :)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 1/12/2007 3:11 AM (GMT -7)   

Welcome to Healing Well Sporty :-)

I'm glad you decided to post , every single member here is treated with respect and there is NO shame here. We are all in the same boat , trying to paddle to the same shore - you will only find help and encouragement from these wonderful people.

And hey , it's not geeky to type/write things down. Whether it's embarassment or forgetfullness , it really helps , so thanks for sharing.

Smiler tongue

Bipolar Moderator
DX : Bipolar , Panic Disorder , GAD , OCD , IBS.
If has helped you in some small or big way, please donate and enable us to continue helping others find their way to "healing well" at
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Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 30
   Posted 1/12/2007 3:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Kenny,
This is a very interesting post and although I've never really mentioned it before, I seem to have had a pretty similar experience to your own.  For me, hypomania is best indicated by the numbers of girls I start to pull in rapid succession.  And although I try to use some judgement by not sleeping with all of them on every opportunity, my attitude towards women in general changes drastically.  I have much less respect for them, I usually end up attracting women that I typically wouldn't like at all.
Of course, when I hit full blown mania.... I really don't have alot of success because of a more scattered and crazy thought process.  Also, I know that I'm much less attracted to women who like me and who would normally be considered fit for a relationship.  In my case, it seems to be an internal mechanism for preventing my promiscous behavior from hurting people I care about.  If you don't like someone, then you're not going to feel as guilty if everything goes sour.  In my case, these things still don't make me feel bad even after recalling them when depressed.
That aside, I have alot of trouble with long term relationships.  The problem, mainly is that I'm too many different people... If you attract someone in one mindstate, but can't maintain it or end up changing, this instability is often too much for someone to handle.  Unfortunately, since this whole part of the cycle has happened a few times before, I constantly wonder if I'm becoming hypo manic when I start attracting women.... the whole thing is crazy, and it makes me frustrated to no end...

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 215
   Posted 1/18/2007 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't know who thinks that love and sex HAVE to go together. It is my experience that they most frequently DO NOT. It is not something to beat yourself up about. If you think of it this way, love is a higher order emotion. Sex is not an emotion, it is a baser animal instinct related to procreation of the species. Heck, in the time of the Puritans in this country, marriage was a LEGAL contract not a religious one. Now it is one and the same, but is this right? I don't think so.

As to **********, there is NOTHING inherently wrong with it! You won't go blind, you won't go to Hades, the world will not end and you will not be punished for it. The only problem with it is if you do that and can't actually have sexual relations with another person or if you do it the exclusion of everything else as in rather than going to work or school, eating, sleeping or living your life. Males are highly visually stimulated and looking at something stimulating is not wrong either, unless it is looking at children, which is its own pathology. If you are watching adult women, there is nothing wrong with that.

It is reasonable to think that in the mania state, people who are bipolar would be more interested in plenty of casual sex with whomever, even lots of whomevers. Mania is an excess of everything life has to offer, including sex.

Being in a relationship is tricky for everyone who attempts it. Marriage is a crap shoot in the very best of situations. I think that being bipolar and trying to be in a relationship is a bit trickier still. I think that bipolar people are much more sensitive in general and sensitive to nuances of behavior in others because they have to be aware of subtle changes in themselves. Being bipolar means you get judgment, and plenty of it, from everyone who knows the score. If others don't feel sorry for you, then they are being totally controlling and telling you to "snap out of it" as if it were that all fired easy. Others will label you as a "mental case" which is not fair, let alone that it is completely inaccurate. It isn't easy being bipolar, not out there in the big world.

What I would tell you is probably something Warren would tell you. If you want a relationship, as opposed to just sex, you need to work on you, first and foremost. Go see a therapist and sort out your feelings. Find your sense of purpose. FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE, find your identity. Be comfortable in your skin which means accepting the bipolar diagnosis and figuring out coping strategies. That way, you are as whole a person as you can be when you go look for love, and I mean love. Love and sex CAN go together and it is magic when it does.

Stop trying to judge yourself harshly, it doesn't pay. Guilt is what you make it because literally, guilt is a do-it-yourself project. Go hammer some nails instead if you are into DIY.
The Lady Dragonfly
Yes, it was me...I know because I was there when I did it. Lupus sufferer, bipolar II sufferer. Currently on Indocin for chronic pericarditis related to lupus, and cherishing every deep breath without pain. Currently in graduate school for mental health counseling, class of Fall 2007. Vegan and loving it!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 1/26/2007 7:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Lady Dragonfly,

yes, that is exactly what i would have said. remember the Bible says, "my cup overfloweth." if you cup isn't full, you have nothing to share.

so yes, Lady,, you said exactly what i would have. now get your fat hands out of my big mouth. :) lol

That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.
Some day you'll learn that a good bm is better than sex.
Insanity is defined as doing the same actions over and over again and expecting a different outcome.

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