Mixed state bipolar

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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 12/14/2006 5:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, I'm new here.  I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I had a psychotic episode 5 years ago, but I believe that I've had it since I was a teen.  I've been seeing the same psychiatrist for therapy one hour per week for more than 20 years.  He's retiring and I saw him for the last time yesterday.  I felt like he was the only person in the world who really cared if I lived or died and now he's gone.
He supposedly had it set up for me to start seeing a nurse practitioner in his practice for therapy.  But when I called today to make an appointment with her, they said she only does consultations for meds.  It's a long, involved story that comes down to the receptionist made a mistake but I went ballistic and totally humiliated myself by yelling at her.  Now, I'm afraid they'll refuse to help me if I call back.  The town where I live has very few psychiatrists and even fewer who will accept Title 19.
Stress is a major trigger for me and right now, I'm under major stress.  Lots of other things going on besides losing my one and only support person, not to mention the holidays are always stressful for me.  When I'm stressed, my moods are very erratic, I go from calm to rage to devastated tears and back through the cycle again in less than a minute.  I get extremely irritable and I can't handle simple tasks like trying to talk my way past a receptionist who doesn't know crap.
My sleep cycle is screwed up.  I can go for days without sleeping.  It seems like whenever I do finally get to sleep, something or someone wakes me up - phone calls, people knocking on my door, whatever. I'm not on meds now because I was really stabilized before I found out he was retiring but this has sent me over the edge again.  I've had so many problems with side effects in the past that he didn't want to start me on something himself but to wait until I saw the NP.  But now I don't know if/when I will be seeing her.
I just hope there's somebody out there who can understand what this is like. I don't have anybody else to talk to right now.  I'm falling apart.

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 12/14/2006 5:43 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm really suffering with mixed states at the moment too. I do totally understand how you feel!

It's so horrible to be so depressed that you just don't think it's worth continuing, and then moments later be angry and filled with rage because of something stupidly minor.
It's bad enough if I'm totally depressed or totally manic, but both at the same time is just becoming so difficult to cope with!

Maybe see if you can talk to that psychiatrist on the phone before he leaves, and explain to him how you're having trouble and ask him to explain to you how things will work. Then he can see that mistakes have been made and he can try to fix them?


Thoracic Outlet Syndrome from birth - Diagnosed 1999
Fibromyalgia from birth - Diagnosed 2005
(?) Ulcerative Colitis - waiting for tests
(?) BiPolar

Epilim Chrono 1000mg at night (Sodium Valproate)
Lofepramine (Feprapax or Gamanil) 140mg at night.
Quetiapine (Seroquel) when needed.

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 215
   Posted 12/14/2006 9:34 AM (GMT -7)   
I would call the office again and apologize. You are not a bad person because you used poor judgment over the phone. If they are hesitant to accept the apology, you can tell them that Dr. Soandso had been your doctor for 20 yrs and you are upset by his retiring. That is fair, it is honest and I think you'd feel better about yourself if you'd apologize.

Remember, we ALL make mistakes. We ALL take out our stress, anger and upset on other people from time to time. It is part of being human. THis has to be an enormously stressful time for you and getting out of control to some degree would be expected, but I think you can take it back if you try.
The Lady Dragonfly
Yes, it was me...I know because I was there when I did it. Lupus sufferer, bipolar II sufferer. Currently on Indocin for chronic pericarditis related to lupus, and cherishing every deep breath without pain. Currently in graduate school for mental health counseling, class of Fall 2007. Vegan and loving it!

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 12/15/2006 10:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks to both of you for your replies. My retiring pdoc called me yesterday because he heard what happened. It turns out that it was mostly his fault - miscommunication with the person he was referring me to. He didn't know she only did med checks & she didn't know he wanted her to see me for therapy. He set me up with someone else that I'll be seeing next week. God help me if I don't like her because there really aren't any alternatives available.
~ Cat Goddess
Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 12/23/2006 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   
I have been experiencing mixed episodes for many years now even though I was just diagnosed this month with Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder with mixed episodes. I am going through a divorce which threw my rapid cycling and mixed episodes into overdrive. I too realize that I have had this disorder for 19 years.

This disorder has caused me to be full of anger and rage. It was eating my alive. With psychotherapy, I have been able to let go of my anger, and it feels so good. I think this has helped with my mixed episodes. During mixed episodes now, I don't experience anger like or to the level I did before. This has made mixed episodes a little easier to cope with - mainly experience depression and anxiety not.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 12/23/2006 2:03 PM (GMT -7)   

Cat goddess ,

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time - letting go of people you've known for a long time can hurt.

I really hope that your new therapist is a good one and that you get on with each other.

Let us know how you are.

Hi there Bipolarite ,

Welcome to Healing Well , you'll find loads of wonderful people here with great advice and friendship to offer.

Well done for getting therapy - so many people suffer in silence needlessly.

Don't be shy - post away , we're here to help :-)

Take care - both of yas ,

Smiler tongue

Bipolar Moderator
DX : Bipolar , Panic Disorder , GAD , OCD.
If HealingWell.com has helped you in some small or big way, please donate and enable us to continue helping others find their way to "healing well" at http://www.healingwell.com/donate/
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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 12/23/2006 7:06 PM (GMT -7)   


I know how you feel. I  have been seeing the same Pdoc since I was pregnant with my 8 y/o son. I feel like he's family. It may be difficult in the begining with your new doc. Then again, it may be nice to see someone different. Who knows? You might just click. When my Pdoc was on an extended vacation, I saw his associate. He was wonderful. I really enjoyed talking with him. He also put a little twist on things. You know, same story from me, but different opinion from another Pdoc. I once asked my Pdoc what he would do with me when it's time to retire. He jokingly said, "don't worry about that, I have three kids to put through college." I know he was making a joke of it, but I went home wondering. It's kinda scary, I have put all of my thoughts and feelings into this man's hands. What would I do if he wasn't there anymore? He has seen me at my best, and has seen me at my worst.

Anyway, I am new to this board too. Wanted to say, "hello" and I hope you get off on the right foot with your new therapist. :-)

Best wishes,




"Live Like You Where Dieing" - Tim McGraw
Dx'd Bipolar 1999, Dx'd CFIDS 2001, OCD, GAD, Panic disorder
"Believe" - Brooks & Dunn

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