some say life is a giant crap sandwich and every day you have to take a bite. i don't afgree, but wanted to get your attention.
everyone's life - rergardless od culture - is marked by "rights of passage", or "epiphanies" in which a person's life changers irrovocably forever. in the usa, graduating from hs is one of these. marriage is another. for a woman, and less so for a man, having a baby is one. for some of us unfortunates, getting a divorce comes to mind as life altering. for my wife, getting a diagnosis of diabetes and another for cancer were definitely life changing. in 2001, after a botched epidural steroid injection, i was in so much pain that i was downing a bottle of my opiate pain pills when my wife stopped me (fortunately) and eventually this led to my diagnosis with bp. this episode changerd my life forever.
your having this illness means that what was "normal" before will never be again. yiou can neveer go back.
don't talk to me about life being "fair!" the first rule that we taught our grandaughters was "don't panick" and the second rule was "life isn't fair." let me give you some tough love, grow up." this is said with all of the liove in the universe and with no intention of adding to your burdons. i want to help, not hurt. but if life were "fair" we would have affordable health insurance or national health care and congressmen would vote according to the wishes of their constituants rather than according to who donates the most to his/her campaign. real politik as henry kissinger called it.
i am concerned with your sleeping. i had the same problem and my pdoc rxed sleeping pills. i didn't want to add an addiction to my other problems, so asked him if there were an alternative. he suggested melatonin, 3 mg, an otc food supplement which is the checical in your brain that tells your body to go to sleep. i get it at heb (a grocery store chain here in the south west) or at wal-mart (if you want poor service and helping to make the walton family even richer). (sorry, i'm also a cynic). i take it at about 8:00 pm and am ready to go to sleep at about 10:00 pm. it only helps a little if i am manic or overly excited/stressed. under usual circumstances, it works extreemly well. i am asleep within an hour (which is good for me) and wake up around 7 - 9:00 am, depending on how lazy i want to be.
one other thing concerns me from your post. i'm not a dr or a pharmacist, but i do know that valium are very addictive. just be careful with you use of them.
oh, yes, two more things. first, "other people" do not own you or rule you. if you want to spend A DAY (note that is singular, not plural) sitting and crying, then do it! there is something healing in crying. i don't know this from my ownexperience, but i have heard it on good authority. second, if you had a debilitating physical illness, such as (god forbid!) ms or cancer, would you have the same feelings about "not being able to do?" i think not. i also believe that your family and friends would treat the physical illness with more compassion. odd, isn't it?
sorry for this diatribe. you asked some tough questions and i wanted to give a complete answer. hope it helps.