I need relationship help Part 2

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New Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/3/2007 6:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you everyone for your input. Here is where things are at now. He has two jobs and trying to pay off his debt. He also said that he would stop drinking but he knows that he might slip up and have one? So he has already predetermined that?? im confused. We had a sit down talk with him and his parents and they are just as hurt as i am. he keeps telling us that he sees what he has done to us and he is ashamed of his actions and that he will not lie anmore and he wants to go back to school and make something of himself. I even have letters that he wrote six months ago saying that he wont hurt me again WOW deja vu?! HE has started being brutally honest (or so I think) and he said that he made an appointment with a psychologist to help sort all of this out. I understand that i need to stop worrying about his problems but when do i stop. im exhausted. thankfully i have finished school and am working. should i wait and see if he is really going to get his act together this time??? I already told him i wouldn't be surprised if he drops out again? i know it was harsh and i regret saying it but look he's tried the college thing twice and dropped out. Now he says he's ready to make a life for himself so he can take care of me. i don't think so.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 1/4/2007 9:03 AM (GMT -7)   

Firstly - welcome to our Healing Well family :-)

Secondly - I'm going to be blunt as I've been in your situation , you need to leave him to sort his self out , then and only then should you go back to him - if your relationship means that much to him he will do it , if not , at least you will know.

Take care ,

Smiler tongue

Bipolar Moderator
DX : Bipolar , Panic Disorder , GAD , OCD.
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Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 215
   Posted 1/4/2007 5:54 PM (GMT -7)   
You are young. You have every opportunity to have a MUTUALLY honest, loving, trusting, intimate and lasting relationship WITH SOMEONE ELSE. Take it.

This guy is not your cross to bear. You are not going get kudos from anyone for sticking by him, but you are going to live in all new worlds of misery and pain if you do. Look at his parents. They have been all through this once, and again and then again and now AGAIN. They are his parents and sticking by him does THEM credit, but it makes you look like a doormat...here fella, wipe your feet on me.

If you stick with him and believe him every time he makes an empty promise, you are in for trouble you can't even imagine. I married a man like this and I had to painfully divorce a man like this. Like your guy, he didn't want a marriage, he wanted someone to replace his mommy. He wanted someone to bail him out of every scrape he got into, pay every debt he racked up and wipe his hiney for him. Thanks to him, I eventually lost my home to foreclosure, ended up $50K in debt, so sick from lupus (stress makes it worse) I can barely walk let alone work...well the list goes on, but it ain't pretty. Why would you invite this into your life? TRUE LOVE awaits you. Dump the baggage that keeps you from finding it.

One last thing, I would not worry about his parents. This is not a bipolar problem, this is a personality disorder, deeply entrenched from childhood, a true mental illness. There was a time when he could have been helped, and his parents passed this by. I say COULD have been helped, but that is not quite right. One can heal a personality disorder, but it takes a lot of work and commitment to do so. As my therapist once told me: How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

Your light bulb doesn't want to change.
The Lady Dragonfly
Yes, it was me...I know because I was there when I did it. Lupus sufferer, bipolar II sufferer. Currently on Indocin for chronic pericarditis related to lupus, and cherishing every deep breath without pain. Currently in graduate school for mental health counseling, class of Fall 2007. Vegan and loving it!

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