Hey Ducky,thanks,i'm looking forward to reading you guys posts too and getting to know you's better. I am deffinetly lonely,but i know some of the reasons why. When i try to communicate with my family i find it very difficult, it has become routine to come into the house and not speak to anyone, i occasionaly mumble and my words barely come out right. When i try to express my true feelings,how much i want to be able to talk to them and tell them about my problems and hear about them i seem to struggle,so i,like you, usually prefer being alone,but i don't know if i really like it- it leaves me feeling isolated with only my bipolar keeping me company. But like you say,its good to be able to come to places like this where people can express themselves freely to other sufferers, i fail to understand why it's so much easier on here than in reality,fear of judgement perhaps,i don't know.
Hi warren,thanks for the welcome :) Well if i had diabetes and it was a case of dying or not then i would take the medication,but with bipolar the chemical reaction cannot directly kill me. If bipolar left untreated worsens then that's a risk i'll have to learn. I've only one principle for myself, no matter what state of mood i'm in,never commite suicide,i cant control my mood or the usual symptoms that occur with these moods,but if i always remember to keep going because the mood will end at some point then that is enough to help me through the each day just now. I don't know what the future consists of,but think of all the people who suffered bipolar hundreds of years ago and coped somehow,medications alter my personality,i've tried them before and they ease suffering but i just dont like the idea that i cant survive somehow using my inner resources. I may end up hospitalised,i may end up on meds,i don't know,but this is my ideology for just now. Bipolar's not just a recent disorder,it must have always existed,ya know? The pain that comes with it is often unbearable, but nothing worth achieving is easy.
Jade,hey,i' glad you can relate. That's amazing that you've been four years with no manic or depressive episodes,i guess everyone finds what's right for them in different ways. Do you take anti-depressents also? I used to only take effexor and i went completely manic during that period,but i didn't realise it much afterwards,i think it was the effexor that triggered it. Sometimes i can actually watch my mood alter and only stand and watch, like i can see my whole perspective changing and becoming hypomanic, but when it comes overwhelming i usually just try and wait till it passes, i've not done anything too damaging before, only stupid things that are against my general will,but the first episode was triggered by anti depressants. I'm not sure if there is still a stigma attached to things like bipolar,people might just not understand because it's something they can control (their mood) they may think it's just a lack of self discipline or a weakness.
Anyhow,it's great to meet you guys. haha smiler, i was gonna try to work out your age there,but i don't have a calculator handy for those high numbers :p only joking.
Thanks for your time.