Depressive feelings

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New Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/31/2007 4:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I had a nervous breakdown several years ago through a lot of stressors and deaths.  The main one watching my mother deliberately drinking to kill herself (literally).  My daughter was five at the time.  She is now 13 and I feel that through my debilitating depression (which I believe is no bipolar) I have missed her growing up but I also feel no bond and it grieves me so much.  It is like she is a stranger to me.  I often wonder if it was because my dad basically told me that mum turned to booze when I moved to the states (although I came back to UK).  She would always say that she should never have had kids like we were the ones that caused her pain.  I think I have got this thinking in my head and it grieves me so much.  I miss her and I want to get close.  Any suggestions.

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2004
Total Posts : 151
   Posted 4/2/2007 11:28 AM (GMT -7)   
(I love your name)

One thing you have to remember is that much of how we learn to parent is by watching our own parents. It's not an "excuse", but it's a possible "reason" for our parenting problems. Not that there's one specific "reason" but it's something to look at when we try to figure out why we are the way we are.

(I had a "depressed" Mom who tried to commit suicide a couple of times. Then my dad told me if she succeeded I'D be at fault)

Surely your mom's "condition" didn't suddenly appear out of nowhere when you decided to leave. My guess is that she was depressed to various degrees all along the way and your leaving was possibly the "straw that broke the camel's back" or her "reasoning" for letting go of her control. Either way, you DIDN'T force her to turn to drink.

But regardless of all the stuff we have to put up with sometimes you just have to "take the bull by the horns" and tell yourself "enough is enough...yes, I have issues to deal with BUT life goes on and I'm going to WORK to let the buck STOP here. I'm going to WORK emotionally to pick up the pieces, put them together, take responcibility and EVENTUALLY let God heal me as much as possible."

"Love" isn't always a mushy, visable, steriotypical thing defined only by what we "feel" or see on the outside. It's there for your daughter but it's burried by a bunch of muck and baggage and scars from having carried a HUGE load heaped upon you by your past.

At some point we need to set that "load" aside...somehow. That's where the work comes in. You need to be free to love your daughter on the OUTSIDE the way you know you love your daughter on the INSIDE.

Hey, if you didn't love her it wouldn't even bother you that you had this guilt...because you wouldn't have it to begin with!(the guilt) The fact that this is painful proves that your love for her is alive. Therefore there is HOPE! Sure, it's difficult to convince your heart of the things you know in your head are true. But life in this imperfect world is no picnic!

But with God's help, we can take responcibility and get the job done! And we have so many helps these days to do it...Be it doctors, meds, friends, websites, pastors, prayer, coping skills...whatever it takes. It's ALL out there...

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 4/2/2007 12:12 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi there DianeC , I'd just like to welcome you to Healing Well :-)

It looks like you have a lot of serious issues which are being left undealt with and are affecting your life (and your childs) considerably. I feel that if you don't deal with these issues they are going to eat away at you as I can already see that they are burdening you.

Take a visit to your doc and find out about getting some counselling , they may also suggest some meds to help you through this.

Take care hun , stay strong.

Smiler tongue

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New Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/2/2007 12:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for your advice. I am seeing a therapist today with my husband. My depression is extremely severe and I am on meds. I am also taking all the vits relating to depression (omega 3, b12, vit c and vit e). I live in the states but am married to a military man in US. It is very lonely here for me and my husband and I have no friends. I miss my old life and often regret marrying into the military (which is a terrible thing to say). I was happy, carefree, had an active social life and a great job in England. Now I just survive. My husband and I separated once and I moved back to UK. My daughter stayed here because of her schooling. I found it too hard and moved back but it is the same old cycle again. My husband is angry because our divorce was just coming up and now he thinks we may to go through it all agian. I do not want to feel this way and have tried desperately to get well but nothing seems to work. I really do feel in my mind that it best if we cut ties and I move back again and just start a new life. America is lovely but it lonesome. Does anybody else have an experience like this?
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