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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 3/31/2007 6:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Okay, so I few weeks ago I was going through a hard time.  I was feeling overwhelmed by stress and it got to the point where I was getting depressed.  I called up my older sister for emotional support.  She was really supportive, and it seemed liked she was there for me. 
I ended up talking to my doctor and he recommended taking yoga or a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Class.  I signed up for the stress class, but I had unforseen work conflicts wish would enable me to attend.  Since it was non-refundible my Dad said he would take the class in my place.
So, my sister came over yesterday and said something that I found offensive.   She said "So, I hear Dad's taking that stress class for you.  I bet he's taking it so that he can learn to deal with you.  You are such a stress case." 
She claimed she was only joking, but I don't find it funny.  I almost felt like she was making fun of me for having a low period.  Furthermore, I feel like I don't trust her enough to confide in her anymore.  I don't want to tell her something and then two weeks later have her make fun of me about it.  I don't even know how to deal with my sister right now.  Maybe I am overreacting but what she said is doesn't sit well with me.

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 3/31/2007 7:26 PM (GMT -7)   

It seems like by saying, "You're such a stress case," your sister is minimizing and scoffing at your feelings and ignoring the fact that depressions and emotional problems can result from a legitimate mental health problem.  Even relatives and friends who mean well it seems sometimes fall into that pattern of what so many people do, and lump a true handicap with "stress," putting unfair pressure on you to just snap out of it and just be normal.  It does feel like a slap in the face when someone who you feel understands you and listens to you makes a comment like that, because then you find yourself wondering if you were ever really understood and feeling like you have to keep everything to yourself, lest anyone judge you or cause you to feel that your moods are your fault.  I've been there many times, with my family, husband, friends, and tend to take comments, even small ones if really depressed and obsess over them every time I think about confiding in somebody, but feeling like if I don't get the feelings out, I'll explode.  I also feel an urgent need just to be understood and comforted, so it's totally understandable you feel this way.  The important things to not only remember, but know, is that despite what people may tell you, you are not creating stress for fun!  And you do not always have control over how you feel, regardless of people who become upset and judge you for it.  Being depressed does not make you a bad person, and it is NOT a character flaw.  Sometimes people try to make you feel bad by pointing out just how stressful their or other people's lives are, maybe to try to be helpful, but I know for me it makes me feel guilty, like maybe I was being a drama queen, and then that perpetuates the cycle of depression all over again.  But it IS a legitimate thing, not just you being silly about stresses in life that you should just be dealing with.  

Best wishes, I hope you feel better soon! 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 4/1/2007 6:10 AM (GMT -7)   



mirage made some excellent points.  she's a hard act to follow.  but let me see if i can perhaps amplify some of the things that she said so well and perhaps add a point or two.

your sister's remark was an insult.  yes, it was a figurative slap in the face.  did she mean it?  who cares - it was still aninsult.  my mother used to do that to me all the time.  finally i got fed up ant told her that if she insulted me one more time i would hang up.  she did and i did.  later she called my wife and sasked "what's the matter with warren?"  my wife told her that nothing was the matter with me.  for a while after that my mother "walked on egg shells" when around me.  eventually we ended up with a solid adult relationship.

the point is that i confronted my mother with her unacceptable behavior.  for you this confrontation need not be as harsh as mine was with my mother.  something as simple as "i beg your pardon?" or "what did you say?" may do the trick.  if she says "oh nothing i was only joking" you can then say "do you see me laughing?"

the bond beteeen sisters is very special.  it can be a true gift from god.  don't let your sister jeapordise it with her unthinking insults.


That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.

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