Hello, I'm sorry to hear about your situation and the unknown you are facing. The years I spent picking apart BP, marriage, meds, and myself has giving me many different view points and have drawn some conclusions. I'm assuming your situation is different then mine, but here are logical steps to figure this problem out as a whole. I'm also assuming that you are not the cause of the infidelity. If you think there is any reason you could have caused the problem, i.e, not caring, listening, couch potato, etc.. then you know what to do on a personal level to better your marriage. Otherwise-Simply ask her, and get to the heart of the matter without emotional connection, and find out what she really wants in life. If no goals are clear, then you have a non-BP problem- simple relationship mechanics-everyone has those issues right? If she has past childhood issues, maybe that could be the cause as well- non BP stuff- but could link to the sudden illness. If not, here is what I know:
Put aside the hurt- the more you can clear your head the better you can figure out your own thoughts. Quit hurting yourself and beating yourself up. Remove the hurt. If the sight of her hurts you, she must leave for a week or so. You must protect yourself.
Bad deeds shall not go unpunished- Bp or not, we all must learn from our mistakes. If she shows no remorse for her actions, even when it was the bp doing it, it has to be known to her. Showing her that you will not stand for this will prompt her get control of the monster within if she really cares about the marriage, then she will do anything to save it. If she doesnt care about the consequences, then you know its over. ( allow someone else deal with a BP woman)
Be patient- Change takes time, allow for things to develop. But look for clues and patterns along the way. Look for positive changes as well. Do things that you enjoy, dont stop living your life to its fullest. Find activites that give you freedom
Be a scientist- experiment- take the victim hat off and learn as much as you can. Books and shrinks wont provide the anwers you are looking for- every bp person is different- you have to become master in your field about the person your learning from.
Change meds and/or lifestyles- the professionals in the field pick meds like throwing darts at a dartboard. They dont know what is right for Bp people for they, just like us , dont understand the dynamic things that occur with our loved ones. Second, if she drinks alcohol, beware, Bp and alcohol are evil together- unpredictable events can and will happen.
Forgive, but dont forget- for this unpredictable life will haunt you unless you learn ways on how to deal with the unknown. Your dealing with an alter ego, and if you have the strength to fight the good fight, that alter ego will be apart of your acceptance to life's many great wonders.
If you want to share some detail accounts about this person, that can give me perception, I will be happy to share my thoughts.