Back then I had 2 roommates and would get in a fight with one of them, and almost got physical a few times-we were def. yelling at each other, Thank God noone called the cops esp the state I was in. It didn't help that he was enabling some of the behavior.
I was speaking so fast that after a while, nothing I said made sense to the people around me. Of course to me, I was a geneus and had to get my thought out before it disappeared.
I couldn't sit for more than 30 seconds and I was constantly pacing around and smoking cigarettes to try to calm myself down (like 2 packs a day sometimes more). I couldn't concentrate on anything at all. I was is a state of panic, what you may ask, I am not even sure anymore. I could do my school work, so I stopped going to classes completely. I was making so many mistakes at work, I was sure I was going to get fired, but I remained there for a short while after that. I quit on my own accord.
I was binge drinking, to the point I would pass out. I don't miss this at all. Yet, I would still able to wake up and function on 2-3 of sleep
I was driving recklously, and was pissed off at everyone. I was impatient, and normally I guess angry while driving, but I had major road rage. I drove how I wanted and didn't care about anyone else on the street.
Then somewhere in the middle of all that, I had crying spells, and a feeling of hopelessness. Then I came up with a horrific ways I could end my life.
I waited a while to contact my pdoc, so I was in that state for about
2 weeks. I hope to never go there again
"What is life? An illusion, a shadow, a story,
And the greatest good is little enough:
for all life is a dream, and dreams themselves are only dreams."
~ Pedro Calderon de la Barca, Life is a Dream
Post Edited (olivia of course) : 4/19/2007 4:35:09 PM (GMT-6)