Hi APG, I can relate with your situation, although yours is a little different from my situation. My husband has never been diagnosed as BP, but his symptoms do make me think it's definitely a possibly. He is chronically depressed and negative, but never has the happy highs that many BPs have. 99% of the time, no matter what is being said, repeated or discussed, if he can find a negative aspect he'll take that view point. When he gets angry, he get aggressive and verbally abusive, but luckily for me, so far he's never physically abusive, but I do think that is because I stood up to him a few times and phoned the police. I've never pressed charges or had him taken in, (I see no good coming of that) but he realizes, even when he's manic that if he goes too far, that's what I'll do and that I could press charges or what ever is necessary at the time. I really think that keeps him from becoming physical. I read on one other thread that even BPs have to learn they can go just so far and that there are consequences for their behavior. I believe that and I've seen that the consequences do help keep PBs from getting too far astray from acceptable behavior.
Also, here are 2 things I have done that help me feel safer. You may consider this drastic, but nonetheless, this is reality and so far these things work for me so I can cope and at this point, I have no intention of leaving. 1st I wear [24/7] a little personal travel alarm pinned to the inside of my pants pocket, so that I know it's there, but almost no one else does. So if things ever did get out of control, all I'd have to do is to pull the pin and the screeching noise is sure to throw him off long enough for me to get away. I also always try to keep my cell phone on me, my car keys with in reach, my purse next to me with enough money in it for a few nights at motel if necessary. That way I feel reassured as I can that in the event things get out of control, then I be able to get away and not worry about what I'm going to do.
I know all this sounds drastic, but one thing I'm sure of, many women are in the same position, with or without their husband's being BP, but few will admit to it. I'm posting what works for me in the hopes it will help someone else. Some things I've learned when dealing with an angry or manic person is 1] 1st physically move very slowly, 2] to say nothing or if I must reply to say something in a low quite voice and to say something nice or calming 3a] that means, no yelling, screaming, talking, no crying, no replying at all if you possibly can 3] wait until the person has left the room or until the are engrossed in something that takes their attention off of you, then slowly move towards the door, but do not run...running will alert them [unless you have no other option & your life is in danger] 4] leave as quietly and inconspicuously as possible. The idea is for him/her to not know you are leaving and to discover that when you are a safe distance away. 5] once you are safely away, then phone them as soon as possible. At this point that manic BP person may very well become afraid as their source of normalcy [you] has left them. 6] speak calmly, reassuringly, but firmly with them. 7] I personally would not go back until you are very sure things are well in hand and that means at least several hours if not overnight or a few days, but do stay in constant contact and do reassure them, they will need the support you can give them, at this point, if they have calmed down, they are most likely very apologetic and typically they will feel very guilty with promises of never doing this again, but remember they have a disease, they can't always control it. You need to contact their Dr. and seek advise as to what to do at this point, as each person's situation will be different. Good Luck, I hope I've been able to help a few people. Lastly, so that you know I'm writing with knowledge from both sides of the table, you see, I too am PB, so I know this situation from both points of view.