I've been gone from this forum for almost a year, been w/out a computer, SO glad to have a new computer and be back online. This forum is so helpful to me.
Anyway, me and my bf have been living together for just over a year now and I have honestly done so many things to try and keep my symptoms (both bp and panic symptoms) under control (for him) and manageable (for me). I've been to 2 support groups (so helpful)...I try to talk to him...I am going back into counselling soon...BUT, it seems that our relationship is as up and down as my symptoms are. It's like they mirror each other. When I'm depressed or agitated, things are bad. When I'm hypomanic, we're great b/c it just seems (to him) like I'm in a great mood.
He has made one request of me and that is to be honest and tell him what's wrong when I'm upset or when he asks. I have done this and every time I tell him what's going on (whether it's symptoms or it's a major stressor that's making me feel worse) he gets mad. He actually gets angry. He says it's not anger, just frustration, but he gets mad. He's gotten extremely angry during panic attacks. Sometimes when I'm depressed he can be comforting, but if I'm crying those tears...he doesn't like that either. Which I can understand, b/c I don't like to see him cry either. But instead of comforting me or holding me, he gets mad.
Last night he came home and I just had something stressful happen, which was causing me to have panic, and has now kicked me into a deep depression...He asked, honey, what's wrong...So I told him, and he got mad. He apologized, but he got mad. And I just don't know what to do. This guy is the one I want my life with. He is wonderful. But I am suffering....
I just find that I have to pretend I'm okay all the time, day after day, or hide my symptoms (and that's SO hard to do) otherwise, things will be bad. Just wondering if any couples out there experience the same thing or if anyone has any suggestions or just words of support I would really appreaciate it...especially today when I am feeling so down.
Thank you, take care everyone.
Bipolar, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
--currently not on meds for bp--