I feel like a lab rat. I think my pdoc is at his wits end with this. We're trying Abilify again. Last time I had such akathisia and panic attacks I went off it. He's got me on a much higher dose of Ativan now, 2mgs, three times a day. Maybe I'll be able to manage it. If nothing else, the akathisia will at least get me out of bed, and he says if it happens again, it will probably pass in time. He also put me back on Wellbutrin, says the itching palm side effect isn't an allergic response and that if I can take it for a week or so, maybe manage it with Benadryl, it may pass as well. He also is still letting me take Seroquel to help me sleep at night if I need it. Abilify tends to give me insomnia after the inital sedation effect wears off.
I'm just so frustrated with all this. I've never cried in front of my pdoc before but yesterday I was almost hysterical. I just need help and I feel like we're going round in circles. He suggested hospitalization but I can't do it. With all this irritability, I've managed to completely alienate my husband. Granted, we're separated anyway, but now he won't even speak to me when he comes to visit the kids. I let him have it over something stupid over the weekend. Just one of those situations where I was exploding and he was the closest target. He doesn't understand all this. Of course he hasn't tried either. But now he tells me he can't watch the kids if I get hospitalized, at least until the end of june, and there simply is noone else.
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
You just have to accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.