I can totally sympathise with the other side of this scenerio. My (ex) boyfriend and the love of my life is misdiagnosed bipolar. He knows there's something wrong, went to the doctor, and since he is not so extreme with his disease, is just being treated with depression and anxiety. He mostly deals with anger and rage. Though he has never (and would never) hurt me physically, emotionally he was terrible. I am a strong woman who never put up with anyone who did me wrong. However, he has broken me down so much that it is only since this last break up that I have opened my eyes.
I'll be very surprised if he doesn't come back again (he always has), but this time, I don't think I can take him back. He has to make some seroius changes on his own and take ownership for this problem to find the proper treatment. I was more than willing to stand by him as all this was taken care of, but as soon as the doctor hinted that he wasn't bipolar, it was law.
The doctor sees him once every 6 weeks...I see him every day. No, i'm not a doctor so I can't make a clinical diagnosis, but I see what I see and i'm the one who is emotionally abused, not him. 85% of the time, things are magically perfect. The remaining time, I want to jump out a window.
If I can give you any advice here, swallow your pride and figure this out. If you have to go to 2, 9, 12 doctors, find one that works and be willing to do whatever it takes to get this fixed. Sit down with your wife and complile a list of things that you do while in these moods and take it with you. That way, it's right in front of you and you don't have to try to remember important details when put on the spot. I can guarantee you, she loves you more than anything in this world, but there comes a point that basically, she can't love you anymore if you don't love yourself first.
Do this for you and do it for your family. Take charge and don't stop being proactive until the sitauation is under control. You have it in you...just do it.