I was starting to feel a bit better last night in the BP Chat, then my bf came home and told me he would be going out after work tonight w/his friends and he works all day today and tomorrow. So I am going to be alone until tomorrow night, and I am terrified. This has triggered the worst state of depression I've had in along time. I just got off the phone with Crisis, I'll probably be back on with them soon.
Guys I am not well right now and I am scared. I'm not at all at risk to myself, but I am scared b/c this state I'm in has taken over, it's overwhelming and I don't want to be alone right now. I can't be alone right now. There is no one I can call to keep me company, no friends, and I can't be around family when I'm in this state.
I'm trying to make a plan to keep my day structured and filled with support somehow. I'll probably be on the phone with Crisis and Distress a lot, I was thinking to come here and go into some of the chat rooms, Depression or BP, just get some support to get me through this day somehow. So if you're on here, if you could check to see if I'm in the chat rooms, and if you have time to talk to me for a few minutes if I'm there, I would really appreciate that.
I am trying to stay out of the hospital, b/c I hate it there, and I don't want to scare my bf. The hospital honestly would not help my state of mind anyway. I'm just trying to cope and it's so hard, b/c I feel like I can't fight this one at all. I am so scared right now and I can't believe I'm going to be alone for the next two days.
My bf is aware of my state, but I can't bring myself to ask him to cancel his plans tonight. We faught ALL night last night and I know how badly he wants to go out tonight. If he were to come home tonight after work and not go out, it wouldn't be a good scene around here 'cause I'm so sick...So he can't be here tonight.
Anyway, thanks for reading. Any replies are welcome, they could be comforting to me as well.
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
--currently not on meds for bp--