I have to say side effects like the ones both you and Olivia are describing are bottom line not worth the risk. Believe me I know that finding another med that would work for you is just so overwhelming--but the one you're on, is it worth what it's doing to you? Furthermore, in my opinion I think it is unacceptable for docs and pdocs to allow their patients to continue using these drugs that cause these types of conditions. Unbelievable. Just one of the many reasons I'm not on bp meds. These doctors, honestly.
Anyway, sorry to get on a rant there, but I cannot stand the thought of people being at that much of a risk.
I wanted to give you a cyber (((((hug))))) for your loss and hard time. I hope you have someone (maybe professional) to talk to, to help you deal. You definitely have support here. As far as the meds, like I said, I understand your fear. It is a scary time for you, I will pray for you. Please voice your concern to your doc just as you did here and go from there.
Take extra care of yourself Allie