I need to tell someone this

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 8/3/2007 9:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello eveyone, I am new to this forum. I have a husband with bi polar and its been hard for two years since he was diognosed with it. I have been there for him countless times by not leaving and dealing with it as i went along with him. In the past 2 years he has recked our car, been on **** sites, been to casinos, and who knows. I trusted that he was not physically cheating but this week some words came out of his mouth that were truly sad to me. Seem like all we had was lost in this illness, but at the same time I know "It's an illness." I get to the point that I let him talk even though he says the craziest stuff and sometimes these things are sexual. Not that he has done them but that he will. In his bi polar state he is attacking me emotionally but I have detached myself from it so i won't get hurt. He came in here 2 days ago and said he was getting a divorse and his father SUPPORTS this idea from the illness. He just don't know the truth. I believe that if his father had to endure the things that my husband has put me through due to this bi polar he would have another way of thinking.
So he says that he will sleep with other women and that he wants a divorce, I actually was crazy enough to follow him and he ended up over his dad's house sleep. So I believe that this disorder is fed when I give ear to what he is saying and try to influence him or stop him or just give him attention and thats all he wants is attention at this point.
Can someone tell me what I should do because he and I go to church and he is saying that he will bring another women there. That is tooooo much for me
I love my husband and want to respect him as a human being and be there for him but how do you be there for someone whom uses you as a punching bag because they are ill, embarrasses you on purpose, and manipulates you to give them attention?

Ellie 1
Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 8/4/2007 7:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Is he medicated? He sounds as though he's really having a serious episode and you are suffering right along with him. Does he have a pdoc? If not then that would be my first idea. Get him into treatment if you can. He may be very resistant to that though.
Sometimes when things have been especially bad, I have been intentionally hurtful to my spouse just because I was in so much pain I was lashing out at everyone.
You can only take so much, you can be supportive only to the point where you are being taken down with him. Then you need to think of you as well. If he won't be helped, you won't help him by drowning in this with him. I know it's hard, and you sound as though you've put up with alot and that you love him very much. Loved one's often suffer as much with this disease as we do. Maybe more so.
Hang in there
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
You just have to accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. 

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 8/4/2007 3:43 PM (GMT -7)   
no he is NOT medicated through the meds and refuses to take on that responsability. Right now he is saying that he takes it but in actuality is not. Also he has went over a females house that I use to live with and ringed her doorbell at 2 in the morning and running around town telling people that we are divorced, he want to have sex with the other lady(telling me that over the phone) and is actually hatefull right now. There seems to be no other way to reach right now but through the police arresting him because I think he hates me right now.

olivia of course
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 8/7/2007 9:40 PM (GMT -7)   

I would like to welcome you to the HW family, I hope you will find the support you are looking for here.
Moderator, Bipolar
Dx:  Bipolar 1, Anxiety-Panic Disorder
Support HealingWell: 
"Don't let your yesterday, ruin your today"

Need Advice
Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 9/6/2007 6:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi drawingboard - sounds like you in quite a position.  Been there done that and honestly I can tell you if he doesn't begin taking his meds consistently you are in for a world of problems.  My wife went through some of this same stuff although I don't think she was quite as severe as your husband.  My wife did have an affair ad I had to find a way to deal with it.  In fact after making the decision to stay she later informed me in conversation that had I done the same thing she would have left me for good and even on the meds and stable if I did that I think she would leave.  But back to your situation, and I'm new on here so if I sy something that seems uneducated let me go ahead and apologize up front.  When my wife was going through the same things all I wanted to do was leave and not come back but I loved her and my two boys so I stayed but I can tell you had she not continued to go to the doc and get her meds fixed and had not continued to go to therapy and counseling we would not be together right now.  Even after all that it still isn't an easy road - if it was I wouldn't be on here.  One important thing I can tell you is that whatever you do make sure you take care of yourself during the process - At first I put all my efforts into my wife and forgot all about my own health and well being and it wasn't long before I started going downhill.  Anyway I wish you all the luck - this is a great place to talk.   Seem to be a lot of great people here.  Oh by the way if your not in counseling and he will actually go, they can be your best friend.  My wife couldn't wait to get me into a marriage counselor so she could tell them how bad I was and all the things I was doing to make her feel the way she did.  We met with a marriage counselor seperately at first and the counselor after meeting with my wife told me we could come together until my wife got her meds straight because it would not do any good.  Well she did and we did and after one maybe two sessions the counselor told my wife how lucky she was to have me.  I made a tremendous difference to have someone else tell my wife her problems were not caused by me.  Oh some were I guess but not the serious stuff.  Of course she would have never believed me when I told her the same thing.  Take Care

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 9/6/2007 9:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Drawing Board, welcome.

First, let me direct your attention to two recent threads on this forum which might be interesting to you. Page down on the Bipolar Index and you should see them. One is titled "Is This Bipolar?" and was started by "Scared Wife," and another was "Did I do the Right Thing?" by "Lleaky."

Both of these threads were started by women in somewhat similar positions -- their husbands/boyfriends were bipolar and not medicated, not seeing doctors, not taking care of themselves, and being emotionally abusive. The men were causing tons of chaos and strife in their own lives as well as their families' lives. I think you'll see by reading these threads that many of us said if your husband won't help himself or own up to his problems, then there is little that you can do to help him. You need to take care of yourself first. Bipolar is a medical condition which needs to be treated by a doctor, and can't be ignored. It won't "go away" and it doesn't spontaneously "get better." It gets worse, and it sounds like that's exactly what's happening to your husband. He's becoming more irrational, no?

You need to make it clear to him that it's crucial he see a doctor, get on his medication, stay on his medication, get some therapy and start putting his life back together if he wants to save your marriage. It IS possible to live a healthy, mostly normal life with bipolar disorder, but only when we make a real effort to keep the disorder in check. If he doesn't want to do that, then you are fighting a losing battle. You can't make that decision for him.

I wish you TONS of luck, and of course, welcome to the board, and we're here to help.
Ask me about my Bipolar Disorder!

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 9/6/2007 11:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Serafena, I'm with you on this. I would have recommended those posts for her to read as well. Good luck drawingboard...read those posts and it should give you a good sense of many of our feedbacks to your sitiuation as well. LFW
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