Newly Diagnosed and instantly lost my credability

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 8/24/2007 8:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello...I'm new to the forum.  I've suffered for at least 10 years with reoccuring depression.  My son was diagnosed Bipolar at the age 12.  I was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago.
I'm coming her in complete frustration.  It is as though now that I have the dx my husband no longer believes in my observations or feelings.  It's as though I instantly lost my credability.  As though with depression alone I could be believed but if I'm Bipolar I'm delusional and paranoid.  Even though I'm the same person he married and the dx doesn't change who I am just how the doctors treat me. 
Talk about making me crazy.  Picture yourself going to the doctor one day and then being treated as though your feelings and observations are not real the next.  It kills me.  And in the midst of that frustration my bipolar gets worse and suicide ideation becomes a regular part of the process because I don't want to be treated as though I'm irrelivant. 
How do I stay in a relationship and give to it emotionally and physically when I'm being treated like a psycho.  I'm very concerned with this continued treatment I'm going to either have to pull away or something because all I can think when I'm treated like this is I don't want to be here.  It's like I want to tell my doctors to go ahead and drug me to the point my mind can't be depended on as my mind the way it is no longer does me any good as others now believe i'm an idiot and have nothing relivent to contribute.  Mind as well be drugged to the point that I don't care or notice it as in the state I'm in with this type of treatment I'm just simply getting worse.
My personal oberservation, I have one set of circumstances that has been really upsetting me in the past issues.  If my husband thinks it's all in my head then I believe that he should look at my entire relational and mental picture right now.  I'm not paranoid, dellusional, or out of control with any other issue in my life right now so maybe this is NORMAL.
I would appreciate any support you can give me.  I feel really really alone.  I dreamt that I took a bottle of pills last night.  I dont' want to kill myself, but I don't want to live the rest of my life beling treated like a child. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 8/24/2007 9:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Does your hubby go with you to your Dr.Appointments?He needs to be educated.
I'm very lucky my hubby goes with me to my Neurologist appointments.I don't have BiPolar though.We are a team along with my Drs.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 178
   Posted 8/24/2007 9:27 AM (GMT -7)   
have you tried to tell your husband about this. maybe try having him come to the doctor with you and talk about it there. i was just diagnosed in may and have lost friendships because of the diagnosis. i know its not quite the same thing but it still shows how hard this is for people to understand and deal with. maybe he just needs time to adjust to it all. i know your still the same person but there is still an adjustment period for it all i think.

i also want to just say hi and welcome to Healing Well. i hope that you can find the help and comfort that i have found here.
I have bipolar disorder, panic attacks w/agoraphobia, social anxiety, diabetes, asthma, and high blood pressure.
~ Life is short but I am not. ~

olivia of course
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 8/24/2007 10:10 AM (GMT -7)   


I would like to welcome you to the HW family, I am glad you found us.  I hope you receive the support you are looking for here.

I agree with Snowy and Jersey with having your husband with you at the Dr. might help both of you.  Most people see a bipolar person and think that the worst of them, mosly because they don't understand it.  Best wishes, and please keep us updated on your situation.

Moderator, Bipolar
Dx:  Bipolar 1, Anxiety-Panic Disorder
Support HealingWell:
"Don't let your yesterday, ruin your today"

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 8/24/2007 1:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you both for your replys.  He has went to the psych doctor with me numerous times.  He was there when I was diagnosed.  I've been telling him for months that I was afraid that I maybe Bipolar and he didn't feel that I was.  It wasn't until a family situation took place with in-laws that he started saying stuff like "this paranoia is going to have to stop" etc.  In his eyes I'm well enough to take care of the kids and check book but am not well enough to see reality within important relationships.  I feel like it's the new "your pms'n" phrase.  If it's a situation he doesnt' care to deal with then I'm going to hear I'm unstable. 
He understands the dx probably more than most as for the 3 years we have been married he has had to deal with my son who is bipolar primarily manic/hypomanic.  He can be paranoid and dellusional when he isn't well.  My Bipolar is nothing like his.  I'm more depressed, irritable, obsessive, and at times just down right angry but I abmit those things and do see that as part of my illness.  My husband struggles with chronic depression which is also a lot like mine; depressed irritable, obsessive and at times just down right mean and angry. 
My husband went even as far as to ask me what a paranoid schzo(?) was like in comparason to my dx.  He is a glass half filled type of person to a fault many times.  It's like he is eternally optimistic to a point of ignorance.  I've always been a more reality based person who hopes for the best but prepares for the worst.  Now I'm just being treated as though those things are symptoms of my illness and not who I am. 
By the way, they have currently put me on trileptal 150 mgs 3 x daily.  I was previously on prozac and wellbutrin.  The psych dropped the prozac but has kept me on 150 mgs of Wellbutrin 2 x daily.  I know I probably need several med adjustments before I'm at my optimal point.  The only thing that sets me off is this situation with my husbands family.  I said to my mother (who lives with us) I wonder how much I would be having problems right now if it wasn't for this situation with his family.  She agreed and has also agreed that I have been mistreated and accused of doing things I didn't know.  Guess we are both paranoid :)
Thanks again for your advise.  I'm going to refer him to this site so any other words of wisdom is helpful....maybe even life and marriage saving.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 8/24/2007 7:02 PM (GMT -7)   

It's important to keep in mind that his own mood disorder may be influencing how he responds. He must have something at stake in refusing to see your point of view.

It's also worth noting (and this has come up on the boards before some time ago) that even in relatively healthy relationships, sometimes spouses of bps are going to question our thinking. There are periods when my husband does it a lot and I have to call him on it and remind him, hey, I have a mood disorder, I'm not insane.

It's going to take your husband a while to adjust to the new diagnosis, Heartnxs. Try getting him some information to help him understand your symptoms, and how they're different from your son's. A couple of books were recently recommended in another post for people who needed more info on the disorder. I don't know if he'd read them... Or talk to him about counseling maybe.

You won't spend your whole life feeling miserable. Give things a chance to settle down. They always do.

Ask me about my Bipolar Disorder!

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 8/28/2007 7:58 AM (GMT -7)   
This is for Heartnxs: I read your postings and my heart goes out to you. I do not have Bipolar but work with people who do, and also have a few family members with it. My husband has ADHD, and even though the two are different, ADHD has greatly affected our life and our ability to have a close relationship.  I have chosen to stand with him no matter what, and to try to understand ADHD to the fullest. He is an alcoholic and is going to AA. He is very brilliant, which you probably are also. Marriage is a committment for life and we are not promised a perfect world when we marry. I hope your husband is able to stand back and look at his own heart. Maybe his depression is coloring his ability to understand and care about your diagnosis. He is over reacting. i do not know if you have any type of faith, but that has helped me tremendously through all that we have gone through with the ADHD . This includes social behavior etc. Stay calm and try not to overeact yourself. Gain your self image from what God thinks of you, and not what your husband or anyone else says. inside you there is a strength you can pull from. I wish you the best .

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/28/2007 1:02 PM (GMT -7)   
hi heart i havnt posted here in a long time but... i have a book that you should go get your husband to help him learn about your bipolar. its bipolar disorder a guide for patients and families by francis mark mondimore m.d. my g/f has bipolar and its helped me understand her, now if her family would stop interfering maybe we could be together but thats a whole nother story as they say. minnesotamike

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 8/28/2007 10:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Heart, hang in there and give all of you time. Where you all are now with all of this is not where you will be in a year or two. All of you will learn the in's and out's and calm down about everything. Fear is a powerful and easy emotion to let control situations, and it is easy under the circumstances to over react with feelings from every vantage point involved. Just breathe and give your lives the chance it needs to balance out after the dx. See a therapist together if he is willing during this adjustment period. It could also help. No, you by no means have lost your are still the same person, and with the proper will be even more so now. That is what your husband will learn over time through experiencing you growing and being more consistent about feelings, reactions, behaviors, etc. There will come a time that you may be so balanced, he feels like the one out of control...and he will absolutely rely on your viewpoints again as the lighthouse in the distance during stormy seas! LFW
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