Lleaky and Scared, any and all advice that any of us give you are yours to take or leave. But know that we share much of it from personal experience. The “been there, done that" variety. Think this way about it, you can tell kids to not put their finger in a light socket because YOU know they will get hurt. Some kids will listen and some won't. They need to put the finger in and experience it for themselves. The choice is yours. Just know, that when things go badly, you have been sucked dry....you will have to look to yourselves as the place to blame, not the bf's or husband, because you have heard the truth and chosen to look the other way in the name of "love" as you put it. Believe me, I LOVE my husband, and I do thank God he is on the mild side of this condition in comparison. But he is no easy man to live with or love. If it was worse, with substance abuse of any kind or violence, I would leave. It would be painful, my heart would say to keep trying to help him...but I am to old to have rose colored glasses on, and have lived too many of my own mistakes to be that foolish with myself and my young children's lives. You see, those are the places I draw strong lines. I would also separate if he refused to take his meds, see his doctors, or work to understand himself and his BP better. Grant you he is slow and stubborn about it, but he does do it, and with a decent level of consistency. Plus, our marriage isn't overshadowed by the constant crisis of it all. They are however, my conditions with myself for staying. But make no mistake about the fact that I KNOW I can not do this for him. HE has to do the work, not me. HE has to (in the end) own his own condition. And again...I can say he is on the milder side of the BP2.
Also Scared, you have yet to rule out a brain tumor or true physical ailment causing this polar shift in him. And no matter what is wrong with him, first and foremost, that has to be determined. But either way, you can NOT save him, he must or he is lost to you anyway. If he comes and acts all sweet, it only works if you buy in. You already know the outcome, so stop living in hope. IF he finds out what is wrong, gets the help he needs from a physical or emotional stand point, THEN you can try and reconcile if you wish. But right now...you are choosing to play the game WITH him and it won't stop for you as long as you do that.
I wish you ladies luck on making smart choices. I hear you love your men. Just learn to love yourselves MORE! And I am sorry if you feel I was too honest and straight. I don't think we serve each other to not be here. But I do feel for you both... LFW