No worries -- that happens.
Well, financially, it only works for us because we've never lived on 2 salaries. Before, when I was employed, my dh was finishing his Phd and was only adjuncting. So effectively we "switched." It's a little bit better because my husband's at the university, but not nearly as much as you'd think.
We're not going to get rich this way, but we get by, anyway. I seriously doubt your wife's going to lose it in front of her class. If she's anything like me, you go into that "teacher trance" and you're just doing your job.
As to the rest of your post, I read it to my dh, and he laughed, because he recognized so much of what you were saying. I don't know if that makes it feel any better for you, but maybe it will help you feel that what you are enduring is more normal. Here's one idea, and it's about
the sexuality. I was so uncomfortable about
it for a while that I didn't want my husband to touch me, but then, like your wife, I still craved intimacy. I wanted cuddling and sweetness, but no threat of more. (Note I used the word threat. It doesn't mean that the sex was bad, necessarily, but it just doesn't feel right when you're that sad. Sometimes being depressed feels like a low, constant sobbing. Can you imagine trying to feel sexy like that?) I would get so scared that he would take any little touch as an invitation that I stopped touching him at all, but at the same time, I still really needed that closeness because I was so sad. Catch 22. Finally we made a deal. We would touch and cuddle and kiss and everything and he wouldn't take anything as an invitation to more unless I specifically said so. On top of that I absolutely didn't want him to initiate sex. He didn't like this compromise, I'm sure-- but it made me feel a lot more safe
, so he went along with it. We got more cuddling and love in, and eventually I loosened up again. (Pardon the phrase).
I know this is really crummy right now. I can only reassure you both that you will get through it. There will be a light on the other side.
SerafenaCo-Moderator, Bipolar ForumIt is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare