I know it hurts, and I know you hang on to the hope that someday he will be back...the same man you fell in love with. Rather than focus on something that you have no control over....focus on you. No matter what happens between you and your husband, you need to be strong in order to manage your life for you and your daughter. HE is choosing not to get well.....it is HIS choice, not yours. I learned the hard way that a sick person CAN NOT give me what I need in a relationship. If you truly want him to be healthy, the best thing you can do for him is be strong and continue to give him the same message. His failure to take his mental health seriously....is unacceptable to you.
LFW said a few words that really struck me ......"you can't make sense out of something that by its nature makes no sense, other than to accept, that your bf is currently raging and mentally ill. He is using YOU as the excuse vs. facing himself. Nothing of what he is saying is true...in fact, I could guarantee it is completely opposite what he is saying. Anymore trying to “make sense of this” is a waste of your time and life and will not add any more value or bring any more meaning about the situation to you. The other thing is "don't give away your reality to someone who is currently not rational". If you buy into what he is saying, than you are giving him power he doesn't deserve, and diminishing YOUR wellbeing in the process. YOU stand tall knowing that you are seeing things clearly, in reality, and release what his words have been. You did the right thing."
Do not give him, or this disorder, the power to turn your lives upside down. It is managable, and it is possible to live a healthy life with this disorder. Look at all of the wonderful, courageous people on this site who struggle with the disorder every day. They know what they need to do to be healthy and live a quality life....and they do it. Yes, there are ups and downs, and times of great struggle, but the fact is that they do not give in to the turmoil. He has to be committed to that goal as well. There is nothing you can do or say that will invoke that response in him. It must come from him. If he doesn't get help...he will most likely never be the man you fell in love with. Do you want to live with that in your life for the rest of your life? Do you want your daughter to learn that she must accept abuse and turmoil from men in relationships?
You need to be the one in control, you decide what is good for you and your daughter...and I think you already know the truth. If he chooses to be a healthy part of that life by seeing a pdoc and finding the right meds....great. If not, you need to prove to yourself and to him that you are strong enough to walk away and choose a healthy life for yourself and your daughter without him.
It took me so long to come to that realization, but after suffering through the abuse, neglect, and chaos....I knew that it just wasn't right. A healthy, loving relationship isn't supposed to be that way. You both have needs that are to be met.....it isn't all about him and his needs. Remember, his needs aren't based in reality.....they are most likely a response to his mania...and the theme for a manic episode is...."if it feels good right now, i am going to do it, i dont care who i hurt." He is looking for instant gratification, regardless of the repercussions. How can a relationship survive for any length of time if one partner rules their life with that theme? Not to mention that depression that soon follows. By nature, the disorder is manipulative and cunning....do not give in to it. You know the truth....trust yourself and your inner voice.
I hope this helps. Every day you must make an effort to stop thinking of him and to start thinking of yourself. Your health is #1! If you aren't taking care of yourself...who will?
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