Yogamom, while I don't often do yoga myself as I have a bad back and am still healing from surgery, I agree that the benefits of yoga for any brain balance issues are excellent. It gets everything in the body working in the right direction so it supports chemical wellness. I am a wife and mother to BPII's. While they both see a psychiatrist for meds, they both also have a separate therapist for the emotional processing stuff. I think Serafena brings up a very good point that seeing the pdoc 2 times a week, where he has access to be adjusting meds THAT often may actually be working against you a bit. I know you say your insurance is good, and that is really important here, but then that should also cover therapy with a therapist who is well versed in BPI or II. Plus, I don't know how wise it is for you to be in a situation that you are "popping" meds if you feel you need a little more here or there. Isn't that counter productive to keeping level even and balanced? I mean if one day you have a little more, one day a little less, how is our body ever going to level off and give you the stability you want? If a medication is offering side effects that are too difficult to live with, there should be countless others the pdoc can shift to. The idea being - keep you on as little as possible to create the ultimate balance and correction. My son takes a cocktail of 4 meds, my husband I think 5. Both are stable, both take their meds morning and night and that is it. My husband, if anxiety hits, occasionally take and additional drug specifically for that which does not throw off the balance of the others. But, he does not change the basic cocktail or he'd never be stable. I think it also wouldn't hurt to find another pdoc for a second opinion that is an objective view of you. If he confirms he would treat the same way, great. Stick with it. If not, hear what he has to say, see what makes sense to you and you can either ask the current pdoc to consider this input, or shift doc's or get a third opinion and go with the 2 out of 3 method. But either way, you now are having some balance of opinion to your treatment plan. Also, from what I have seen, good support groups are is also enormously helpful.
I know you say you are planning to go to a grief group, and I am so sorry for your losses. Sometimes when we experience loss that is abrupt, it can be harder to process as we didn't get time as we would have during say...an illness would have allowed - emotional preparing for what was coming. But I DO know a lot about this issue and believe with ALL my heart that regardless of the circumstances of how someone passes, their spirits are always with us. If what they see is us being sad to the point that thinking about them doesn't make us smile, because we are too wrapped up in the pain of their loss or how they passed, then they too don't get to smile. The thing is, their spirits want to live through us and if we can find a way to smile from having been blessed by having had them in our lives, then their spirit live on in joy. Otherwise, they are forces to live the pain with us, and if we never allow ourselves to move on from that, we keep them stuck to. They don't want us to be in this pain, they would want us to smile when we think of them, to remember them with love. Our staying in that level of pain does not prove our love for them. It just keeps us stuck. That isn’t to say don’t feel sad at the anniversary every year, have your “moment” of sadness. But don’t let is overshadow you. They want us to hold on to the love and joy. They want us to feel their spirits with us, which we can't do if we allow ourselves to be consumed in pain. I do believe that when you get a chill around you for no reason, you are feeling a hug from the spirit of a loved one present. May sound goofy, but I DO honestly believe this! Also, you can ask them to come visit you in your dreams…just as you feel yourself falling asleep, ask them to come visit you. By morning you will feel the sweetness of their kiss on your cheek. LFW