Welllll....here is the latest with me and my BP ex.....
We sat down yesterday and had a calm, rational conversation about the cold, hard facts. He acknowledges that he has been trying so hard to fight the BP by himself and that it is making things worse. He accepts that he has BP, but is just still mad about it. We talked, in detail, about what happened two weeks ago. I think, more than ever, he sees the drastic changes from mania to depression and realizes he can't do it on his own. I told him about HW and encouraged him to use the site.
I explained that I know 100% that I want a loyal, committed, devoted husband, and to have atleast one baby. I said that I need to plan my life and make decisions that will move me closer to that goal. I told him that I would love it if our family was me, him, and the boys, plus one of our own. (Which we have never agreed on for sure). BUT, I am OK to walk away if we can not fill each other's needs. And I meant it.
He says he wants a life with me and he feels in his heart that his place in life is with me. I told him that I love him, and if we are ever going to have a wonderful, healthy life together, he needs to focus on getting balanced. I said I didn't really even want to talk about reconciliation until he has started to take his BP care under HIS control by regular pdoc/therapist appts. and taking meds.
I bought two copies of "The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide: What You and Your Family Need to Know" by David Miklowitz. (GREAT BOOK! Thanks for the recommendation.)
I gave him one and kept one for myself. I told him that HE needs to lead his effort to be healthy and I will support him 100%. I told him that I love him, and I am here for him if he asks for help.
We proceeded to watch the Indians kick the Yankees butts. YEAH! We had a nice calm, enjoyable evening that ended in a very promising note. I feel good about where I am. I have managed to support him while still holding strong to my boundaries.
I will continue to focus on myself and making myself stronger, without any expectations of him. If he works hard and commits himself to managing his BP, I am open to a future. But I am also much more grounded in my own reality than I have ever been. In the past, I would let him lead the conversation, trust ever word he was saying, and be "blissfully ignorant" to the never ending roller coaster we were on.
I can't thank you all enough for helping me gain a new perspective to my life. I feel encouraged and empowered. I know only time will tell....but I am hopeful for both of us...for different reasons.
I didn't tell him that we couldn't talk and to only call me once he is balanced. I am open to occasional conversations and spending time together. Do you think this is a mistake? As usual, I appreciate your candid feedback.
New Bipolar Supporter