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olivia of course
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 10/2/2007 9:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone. I'm transporting this posting from another thread for drawingboard: Please respond to it here.
Thanks, Olivia
Hello, my name is Dee and I have supported my husband with bipolar. I am at the end of my ropes with the cycle of him taking advantage of my feeling for him. Recently there has been threats to me that he will divorce me after I have been so beatup by him(emotionally). He ususally gets really deffensive after I say no to some crazy suggestion that he wants me to go along with. Yesterday while in church He was practicing marcial arts while the choir was singing in front of everyone. If he ws manic I could understand but he does not practice it everywhere. I started to take this like a personal attach because for 2 years he has not tryed to do anything that would relieve much pressure off of me in the presence of people. I am constanly feeling embarrassed by him because he will openly do and say things that always turn heads to US in a negetive way. This has been 2 years.
He blames me when I get upset over somehting that he does. He blames me for feeling the way I feel about an offense. He tryed to blame me for looking at **** also. Said that I wouldn't do what he wanted me to do and thats why he needed to go outside the marriage. I know how far to go and whats good for me. What he was asking was degrading and I think he knew it but wanted to pull me there. And there are others, accuse me, talk about me to other people and of course the ususal make up lies on me, use my computer to watch **** on, stolen from me and then turns around and blames me for driving him to that point. Also, We will get in a fight(argument, he laughs it off and says "It's over" I'm finished with you, or I will be with other women tonight or whenever, I will see you whenever and so on.
I need some serious counsling because it is playing with my self esteem. I am coming to the realization that he is using me to take care of him the wrong way because I knew he was ill and I would surrender to him after awhile because I didn't want him to run the street on me. He has said that he will sleep with other women if I didn't do some pretty degrading things in bed with him that I said I was opposed to. when I say no he threatens me with an action that makes me afraid to say no to him. I feel bad to say no and have standards(like the guilty one) because he is ill. But he would turn around and use it against me because I love him and don't want to see him degrade himself either. He takes meds and all but he is verbally abusive and the game that is played is that the worst feeling I could have is him turning out to not care about me at all and throw me away(relationship) and make it out nothing when I have envested so much of my time and energy, care into it already. we have been together for over 5 years and married close to 3 years. I have been through hell and hot water, but I would leave that behind if I knew he wanted to get well ---I would love to help him but I cannot stand to be around him when he is doing disruptive and destructive things in my presence. I know he has bipolar but I feel like he is manipulating me and trying to tear me down. What is the manipulation that I don't know about, can you guys help me see the truth? I didn't want to think he was like some other crazy guy out there that played games(maybe they were ill also) who knows.

Post Edited (olivia of course) : 10/2/2007 11:32:44 AM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/2/2007 12:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Dee, I would really like to email you in private. Would you click on the envelope beneath my name and send me an email. Then I can respond to you and you needn't reveal your address to the forum.

Your husband is no longer just displaying symptoms of mania, he is outright abusing you. This is NOT a symptom of bipolar.

I'm not abusive. I doubt anyone on this board is abusive. Sure, I can be annoying. I can be b****y. I can be moody and unpredictable. But I have absolute love and respect for my husband. I have never physically hurt him, I never attack him. I don't blame him for making me sick. I don't blame him for making me worse. He and I have struggles just like any couple, but in the end we are inseparable and absolutely united. That is NOT what you are describing with your husband. It sounds instead like he is going out of his way to make you uncomfortable and unhappy, and honey, that is not love, and it has nothing to do with bipolar.

I wish you absolutely the best. Email me and we can talk further.
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Ask me about my Bipolar Disorder!

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 10/2/2007 1:25 PM (GMT -7)   



I wanted you to know you have come to the right place for support on this topic. 

I am not BP, but my partner is.  I have heard many stories that are far worse than anything I have experienced with my partner and his illness, but none to the extent as yours.  Yes, infidelity is something that is common when in a manic episode as well as irritability, and being argumentative.  Threats of divorce have been known to happen too.  But how you are describing your relationship with your husband does look to be more malicious than anything which I believe IS NOT a symptom of BP.  A person who is BP and takes care of themself by taking their meds, seeing their Pdoc and therapist/counselor will usually have a fair amount of control over the illness.  They are also very aware the illness is something that has absolutely nothing to do with another person!  No one is to blame for the one! 

When my partner told me about his illness, I immediately took to educating myself with books on the subject, support groups, forums such as this one, etc.  I did this so I can better understand it instead of trying to constantly rely on my partner to tell me what's going on.  I also did it for support for myself and also understanding what I have in the road ahead of me, with us. 

Finding HW has helped me incredibly with finding many answers to questions I have, venting and being heard and also trying to reach out to others when they are in need.

If you like, email me and I can give you some sources to tap in order to learn more about BP and possibly find a support group in your area. 

Till then, please know we are all here to listen to you and support you in any way we can.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 10/2/2007 3:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for your responses because for awhile I was trying to find out what was bp and what was not bp. So please continue to tell me what sounds like bp.
I understand that he has an illness (was dignosed with it)
 1. But for months he has not paid rent or made a priority to [pay any bills and I put him out and changed the locks because I was afraid that he would let a stranger in my house.
2. He came over once in his manic stated that he was tired and hungry, could I let him inside, and I wanted to help him because I care for him but as I went in the house the door was cracked and he came in. He started disrespecting me in manic episode and when I told him to leave he said, you can't tell me to leave because my name is on the lease and I am the man of this house. The police could not get him to leave because he was right but only because his name was on the lease. Thats it.
3. I know bp victoms may have a problem with working or keeping a job, but is this true because they are depressed? When I would even bring up the fact that I wanted his half of the rent paid, he would say, "I will." simply that without any explanation or real repentance towards not paying what he said he would pay before. The bills became my responasability. He plays drums and is very talented and would play outside in chitown with a group of friends and they would make good money. He would take me out with the money he made on the street but when bill time came I would feel guilty for doing that because I knew he didn't have a real job or wouldn't work either to get one. SO at bill time he said, Well I took you out and spent all of my money. as if I were still responsable for his half. He would say that I knew his situation and I should have considered it.
I would feel guilty for him taking me out, but it was hard to refuse when I only felt acknowledged that way. Because I delt with the good in this relationship without looking at what he didn't have, I noticed that he did not have because he didn't want to have. Such as a relationship with boundaries. even though he is BP. I have delt with it and feel kind of numb to the abuse as if I can take it because I am attached to him but I know it's not right for me anymore and I am willing to loose it. I feel like he is playing me, and for what reason who knows but I can't understand why he would do this to me. Whatever he gets out of this can't be that great.

Post Edited (drawingboard) : 10/2/2007 4:18:25 PM (GMT-6)

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