SW, I only have a few moments to respond right now and I think it is important you gain some perspective here. So in a nutshell here it is, and please forgive my candor...
#1, the assumption has been that your husband is either BP, doing drugs, brain tumor - or some other physical malady. Your father's theories are as valid as any other, but as you know, until your husband gets checked out from head to toe to rule out things...you are stuck. As you have seen, trying to coax, finagle, demand...has not worked and won't until he does this for himself. Is this sad...VERY. Do you still have to find ways to move on anyway as you are left with NO choice??? Absolutely. But...
#2 the elation you are feeling about
being asked out, answers the question any woman in your shoes would be feeling which is "will anyone else want me...single mother with two young kids and all this baggage!" So okay, you got your answer....and as you can see it is a resounding YES. I am thrilled for you...it is important and comforting for you to know that. However with that said, I must honestly share that the reason you feel "guilty" is because you are going ahead with an action which you are not free to do, and you know that. You are an ethical woman and you know you will not be free until you complete the situation you are in - officially. This action you are about
to take by agreeing to see this man (even just for coffee) is simply premature and I believe in the end, it could blow up on you personally, and collectively with your situation. My advice to you is to re-think this. My suggestion, and it is only my opinion, is to say to this nice man the following (or something like it), "I am extremely flattered and grateful you asked me for coffee, and as much as I would like very much to go, currently with the situation I am in, I can not offer any emotional availability back to you. I am currently entangled with a very messy break up with my husband who’s behavior has been quite erratic, and it is not far enough along to be close to official over yet. I am just getting a real grasp on the fact that my marriage is most likely over. With your agreement, I would very much like a rain check on our coffee together when I am actually free to say yes to you. If of course you are still available to say yes to me at that time, then we go forward with our coffee. Until then, I would like to look forward to getting to know you as a friend and colleague at work. I genuinely hope you understand." Then leave it alone until you decide to either file for divorce and it is finished and officially over and done, or elect not to and wait out the dx on your husband. But either way, I don't think it fair to you or this man to entangle the situation you are in with your husband with this emotionally charged added addition were something to progress with this man as a way for you to feel better about
this situation you are in with your life right now. That really isn't fair to this man, or as I said - you. Does this make sense to you? It is a matter of timing, and the timing IMO isn't right here other than to answer that question about
will you REALLY have "life" after all of this. And you now know YES you will. Too many BAD decisions can get made for you right now, and the fall out from that is something you DON"T need.
Choose well my dear and good luck...LFW
Post Edited (loving frustrated wife) : 11/7/2007 11:25:03 AM (GMT-7)