Thank you all for your posts, and support.
I know that I have been struggling for quite some time now, and I thank you all for being so patient with me.
Today I called my pdoc, left a msg with his secretary to try and get in to see him asap. I don't want to go back on meds, but I don't think I have a choice. I am going to do some research tonight, and I'll hopefully get in to see my pdoc soon.
The reasons I don't go to the hospital are b/c here, they admit you, and then they leave you totally by yourself until you are checked out. Seriously. They don't check on you, no one comes to talk to you, nothing. You are totally alone until you leave. So it is actually something that would make my condition much worse. Plus, I really cannot miss any school at all. But I understand why all of you suggested this idea to me. Definitely if it were a helpful place, I would go for sure.
I also called CMHA today b/c I was supposed to hear back from them/my support person, but I have not yet. So I am waiting for them to call me back as well.
Other than that, my bf has completely been taking care of me. This past weekend, he really made me laugh, kept me surviving. He has been so, so supportive. I'm actually finding that I am doing much worse when he is not here. He has been doing everything he can to help me get through this.
At the same time, yesterday and today have been so bad, that I feel like I can't even fight my symptoms at all. I feel like I'm lost, confused, and I am scared b/c...well b/c feeling this badly is scary to me.
Anyway, thank you all again so much. I need the support from you guys b/c no one else in my life knows exactly what I am dealing with right now.
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
.5mg Clonazepam, 50mg Trazodone
--Currently not on meds for bp--