just cant seem to stay well.

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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 130
   Posted 11/12/2007 11:24 AM (GMT -7)   
ive been severly depressed sinceearely lasy year.i had a manic episode late last year.ended up in hospital.then straight away back in to a depression picked up recenly.started new meds.i though at last am having a good period.i wasnt sure if it was a a hypermasnic episoed or not.it didnt feel like it.since last weekend i am feeling very depressed again.i used to get times of stablity not symtom free but i was happy with it.since early last year ive had about 5 weeks of stabilty recenty.this really is not fair normally i battle the depressions the mania but then my reward is stablity for a while.its one of the things thats helps me cope.at least am going to be well for a while.5 weeks is pathetic.my girlfriend family friends and dog have been wonderful.i stopped my meds qiute a lot since last year.been in trouble.had to put up with my cruel remarks.i shut out everybody witch am doing again.i feel angry qiute a bit.mainly at this illness.i hate it.i stil pray that one day it will go away.am staying at my mates these last few days.ignoring calls from girlfriend.i kissed another girl last year when i was high.ive got the chance to cheat on her with anther girl.part of me wants to another part not.weve been together a long time.i love her.she always putsup with me.my family at times dont.i love my dog my girlfriend family but at the momrent i feel like i hate them.just over a week ago i was doing fine.any advice.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 11/12/2007 3:09 PM (GMT -7)   



I too am in a similar place.  I am totally angry at this illness and I have had it.  I am beyond frustrated.  I feel completely defeated. 

Please don't cheat on your girlfriend.  I think you will regret it, and I know you don't want to hurt her.  It sounds like the symptoms are putting these thoughts into your head, so try to be strong and fight them.  I know it's hard....

gaz, I know you stopped meds for awhile, and you were doing okay..I remember when you posted here when you had to go back on them.  I've been off bp meds for just over a year now, and I am realizing I am going to have to try some again.  What meds are you on now?  Are you being monitored by your pdoc?  I think you should check in with him/her. 

You said everyone you love is being wonderful; try to move towards that support gaz and not away from it.  I know what you mean about your feelings with your loved ones though.  I am rapid cycling like you wouldn't believe...From one extreme episode to the other.  One week or one moment I want to be with my bf, the next I am irritable with him.  I really know how you are feeling.  My cycling hasn't allowed me to feel at all stable in months.  Always from one extreme to the other, no breaks at all.
I will keep you in my thoughts.  Try to do the right, healthy things for yourself.  gaz, don't give in to what this illness is telling you, or how it is making you feel.  Again, I know this is hard, but I believe you can do it.  Please call your pdoc/doc.  Keep us updated, I will be checking in on you.
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
.5mg Clonazepam, 50mg Trazodone
--Currently not on meds for bp--

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