Help me understand this please (long - sorry)

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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 11/12/2007 7:04 PM (GMT -7)   
I am a 43 year old woman that I saw my neurologist last Monday, for the first time since last September. I walked in and he asked me how everything has been going. I sort of took a breath and said, well, let me tell you whats been going on. I told him how I quit smoking and the VA gave me Wellbutrin. This calmed me down for a few weeks to stop then I kept using it and it made me energetic. I didn't realize this until I was diagnosed with ADHD. Now, while on the ritlain, it helped me focused, however I can remember a few times I got really happy and hyper on it.

Then in July 2006, I was diagnosed with Charcot Marie tooth and the neurologist gave me Gabapetin (for the tingling and numbness). then the pain clinic gave me Tramadol. So , I told him all this and then I said, well, then I began flying, my mind and body both on these two meds. I was apologizing to all my collegues and teachers for just being so darn hyper. Then I began looking pale to my family at Thanksgiving and forgetting things.
So, when the VA wouldn't see me until after Christmas I took myself off of these in one weeks time. Then i had two hallucinogenic episodes (never had these be4) and 5 panic attacks, the last one made me go to the VA emergency room. Then, I told my neurologist how I saw my Dr. and psychiatrist that gave me the Ritalin, how I took myself of of these and he said I was bi polar. I told him I wasn't and he said ask your family thee questions. (he gave me a list of questions). Well, the nuerologlosit responded by saying to me, 'Well, you are bi polar". I was in shock, I said where did you get that from? Just because its in the computer you share doesn't mean I am. He said, Pauline , last time I saw you a year ago, you were with the walker and you were depressed. I said, OMG, let this happen to you and have the VA throw meds. at you that make you fly, then you go to physical therapy one week they hand you walker cuz of your balance , then the next week they are fitting you for leg braces. You might as well throw me in a home and forget about me. - thats what I answered him, which I know didn't help my case of not portraying a manic episode, but I felt I had to defend my view of what has been going on with me.

Ok,,,,so I see the Pain clinic dr. the next day and he saw I have bi polar written down in the computer. Then he discusses my migraine headaches that have been going on. He prescribes me Divalproex one 500 mg a day to prevent migraine headaches. As for this workign the first three days I woke up with a headache and took a Zomig. Now, its been a week. Now, I have missed a few days because of my headaches and decided to tell my supervisor (at Phoenix House - Jack Freinberg) of my experience with the darn VA and my perceived misdiagnosis. He listened to me and again, when I spoke to him, I kind of spoke fast. When I asked him what he thought, he said, I think you are Bipolar II, hypomanic ,, then he hands me the DSM_IV to a page that reads symptoms. OK,,,,then he says to me, I don' want you to see any of our clients (teens, for substance abuse) until you see the psychiatrist . I asked if I can sit in on them and he said no, so I said ok, so I can go home then? He said, go home, study the personality disorders, I will give you credit for the hours. So,,I see the psychiatrist on Wed. (this was last Thursday). Of course, this
added icing to my cake!

OK,,,this is what I feel, I feel a times, when I can not hear everything I get nervous and feel anxiety, this supervisor makes me nervous, because he speaks low and if I don't hear him how am I suppose to hear his clients? So, I felt pressured. Remember, my hearing is due to nerve damage. . Ok, I am not sure if I am bi polar II, but I go on a spending spree when I was on those meds. last year on Ebay buying 2,000. worth of barbies.( I thought, at the time, i am depressed and these barbies I will sell them and make money) I have been told in the past ( in 2nd marriage) when I saw a dr. for PMS meds. that my husband has an anger problem and then he goes off on my sons and I would tell him off. This dr., noticed I had a hearing impairment and said I am going to prescribe Paxil, its an anti
depressant. I told him I am not depressed, he said no, its for your anxiety and your hearing also makes you more anxious.

I do feel at times when I am going to talk that I a little pressure whelms up in me to talk more and I have been depressed lately because of my medical condition. Also, recently, National Deaf Academy said no to me after I attended 38 hours of orientation and they saw my medical restricted duty records and Risk Management said No to having me do my practicum there.  So,,is it anxiety (my hearing, why I speak loud and get nervous..... and the depression cuz of my condition and my problems with my practicum sites , not being able to hear everything or is it Bi Polar II??

Before my hearing impairment, I always liked to talk and was considered a happy go lucky person because I was always happy, you rarely seen me sad or depressed. I also now don't display depression to others, because I don't like to bring others down and look sad. So, I am sort of uncertain here as to if its GAD or bi polar II or borderline personality ( a colleague thinks I might be borderline). and I still feel like I am a talker when I want to be, but I do feel at times I wake up depressed about what I am I am going through,,,medically and practicum wise for the right placement for a practicum. - Lively

Post Edited By Moderator (olivia of course) : 11/12/2007 9:46:00 PM (GMT-7)

olivia of course
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 11/12/2007 10:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Lively,
Welsome to the HW family and the Bipolar Forum.  I am glad you found us, and I hope you find the support you are looking for here.
I know how you feel about your diagnosis, it took a while to undestand it.  The good thing is that there are a lot of resources out there, from books to the internet.  Though  books are better sources.  Again welcome, and please feel free to read past posts and post more of your own.  Do not hesitate to ask questions you might have.  We are here to support you.  :-)
Co-Moderator, Bipolar
Support HealingWell:
"Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement."

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