I have been married to my wife for eight years and have a four year old daughter. My wife has always had issues with depression and was just recently diagnosed with bipolar. We have been having marital problems for about a year. She says that I have been an ass for the past eight years of our marriage. I was a cop which added pressure to the situation but I was a cop when we got married. about a year ago she told me she loved me but she was not in love with me. I left the house for about two months and just went back to pick up and drop off my daughter from school. We eventually sold our house and she moved into and apartment with my daughter. I helped her move in and she let me sleep on the couch for a week or so becasue I did not want to leave my daughter. The couple weeks turned into 4 months on her couch and then we started doing stuff together. Then we started having sex again. Then I started sleeping in the bed with her and we were goin to work things out. Then we bought a $400,000 house together based on her future earnings and everything seemed to be going fairly well. She started takin Topomax for the bipolar and everything seemed fine. about two months ago I started seeing he lack of affection. No sex for three weeks. she said she just need some time to herself. That she was around people all day. We went to her company dinner and she kept leaving me alone. I am not a social person. She left me standing in the hall for over an hour and did not even attempt to find me. I told her that I felt unimportant to her over the las t three weeks. She had been drinking. she told me that she did not love me any more and then I asked her if she wanted a divorce, she said yes.
about a week later I had an arguemnt with her and I told her she was manic and that her drinking and driving scared me. She told me she stopped taking he medicine about three weeks prior because it was giving her nightmares. I told her that she was not acting rational and that I felt she was putting her self in danger and i did not feel safe with her taking my daughter any where when she was acting irrational. She got very angry at that and threatened to throw the phone at me. Then she was yelling at me with my daughter in her arms and threatened to hit me in the face. When I told her to go ahead she told me I was just baiting her. She also accused me of trying to get her life insurance money and a bunch of other nonsense.
We had another arguement about two days later because I wanted to sleep in the bed and she didn't want me there. She literally tried to kick me out of the bed and was telling me that I was the one that was psychotic. i of course argued with her like she was rational but of course she was not.
She is back on her meds and seems to be calmer. she went on a cruise for work last week and when she left she gave me a hug and rubbed my cheek lovingly. When she got on the ship she called and lefted a message on the house phone saying she loved me and then one on the cell phone saying she loved us both. She sounded like she was trying to be very sweet. She came home and I found out that she put a stop on her mail while she was gone and then she denied saying she loved me. When I played it on the answering machine she said I took it wrong.
She now seems to be calm but I think she may be slipping into depression. she is tired all the time. I think she may have cheated during her manic stage. She locked her car when she went on her trip so I could not get in it. She stopped her mail. I found a receipt for a hotel that isn't even close to the place she was supposed to be going on a sales appointment at. I found a print out for a love horoscope for a capricorn and a virgo. She is a capricorn but I am not a virgo. I also found some sexy stockings and a sexy girdle in the trunk of her car. it has not been opened but it is there.
I have taken the blame for all the problems in our marriage over the last year. I thought it really was my thought. But now I wonder if all of our problems over the last eight years were caused by bipolar. I have no desire to leave her. I love her more than anything in this world except my daughter. I don't think it is up to me any more. she wants a divorce. She has not initiated the divorce proceedings to my knowledge but I don't know.
i guess I am just looking for some thought on whether this is all bipolar and she will come back to loving me or if she really wants this to end. She accepts that she has bipolar but won't take responsibilty for her bad behavior or for any of the problems in our marriage. I am afraid taht the mean things I said when she was irrational have permanently damaged our marriag. I read how bipolars don't remeber what happens when they are manic but she remebers everything I said.
Any insite would be appreciated. Sorry for the rambling