Why do BP sufferers return to their relationships?

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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/3/2007 10:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I keep reading of a trait that seems to come up frequently: people with BP breaking up with partners numerous times and then rekindling their relationships.

Do they break up when in a depressive episode and then on the upcycle get back together again?

Or do they crave perhaps stability and safety again and this is why they return?

Or am I just being WAY too simplistic and generic?

Just interested. Any opinions from people who suffer BP who have rekindled their relationships most welcome.

Cheers Scotty <!--IBF.ATTACHMENT_207192-->
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Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 12/4/2007 2:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I think what you're wondering about is why BP sufferers are inconsistent. And that is unanswerable, scottyteal. I wish I could tell you. You're looking for an answer rooted in brain chemistry, social history, how insecure a person may be, what their parents treated them like... Yes, depressive/manic cycles may have something to do with it, but it may be the reverse too. Some people have affairs when they're manic. I'd say you're being simplistic, because not everyone has the same problem you're having. Some of us don't break with our partners at all. :-) As has been suggested -- some of this is BP, some of this is just who your girlfriend is and it has nothing to do with her BP. Of course she craves your safety and stability. And she is afraid of making herself vulnerable too, probably -- she has a disorder which makes her very unpredictable, and vulnerable, even to herself.

I'm sorry I can't offer more concrete solutions for you. I can only suggest you be firm and consistent yourself, because I can tell you that's something many BP's crave and need themselves. What do you need? Take care of yourself, making as much room for her as possible, and she'll either follow suit or not.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Bipolar II
It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare

Post Edited (serafena) : 12/5/2007 9:44:21 PM (GMT-7)

New Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 12/5/2007 6:20 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm BP and was diagnosed about 5 years ago. For several years I thought the diagnosis was BS but I'm coming around. Anyway, I have been dating this girl for about two years. I don't trust her and we have alot of relationship problems. I'm not one to talk about that kind of stuff but this is just a bad situation. When we get in fights there's no holding back. I sometimes say things that I regret and so does she. There's alot of resentment as a result of this. The problem is we have good times together and don't want to be away from each other. I think what I'm about to say could help answer your question though. People with bipolar disorder often times do not see things clearly and others begin to distrust what they say and how they percieve things. This can have an effect on bp people so much so that sometimes they don't trust their own perceptions.  I know that when we get in a fight I usually think about it later and twist it around in my head until I have myself convinced that it's my fault. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. If we break up because of one of these fights alot of times I convince myself it was my fault and go back and apologize. We break up and get back together all the time. It sucks

olivia of course
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 12/5/2007 7:04 PM (GMT -7)   

I am not sure if it is trully a bipolar trait, but I do know it is a relationship thing. When I was younger I has issues with my relationships, mostly because I would get bored. I guess I was looking for the perfect relationship. Did my moods play a factor, yes. I was unstable because I was not diagnosed, and definetly not on meds then. But I can't trully blame bipolar for all my relationship problems. So no I don't thing it is just a bipolar issue.
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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/10/2007 8:52 AM (GMT -7)   
I TOO break up & want to get back together with my partner have done it my whole life. Yes i think it is a trust issue but more that we cant trust ourselves.. AS well as my own shut downs really cause me problems because I push away everybody who loves me. ALSO try reading up on Borderline personality disorder... ive learned that some of the push pull things i do are common of bpd's. just a thought.

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2014
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 6/14/2014 4:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months. He has Bi Polar and has broken up with me 5 times.
He just did 5 days ago. But two weeks ago he was professing his love for me. We have been very close and are in love with each other. I know he loves me and I did not see this coming. He said he is depressed and does not want to be around anyone. I have not been able to sleep. Why is not running back to me? It has been a few days now.
He said he needs time. But last week he hated to be away from me. I have been thinking it s my fault. I want to write him an email and tell him I love him and will be there for him. Please help??

Forum Moderator

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4405
   Posted 6/14/2014 8:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Irishgirl79,


Please note that the thread you posted on is an old thread. I'm starting a new thread for you. This way members will see your post and be able to welcome you and you will also get more responses :-)

Moderator - Bipolar

Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder.
Chronic Pain - Cervical Kyphosis, Cervical Spondylosis, Thoracic Scoliosis.
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