Dutchie, I do hear what you are saying. My point to putting up with my siblings and cousin is so my kids can maintain a good relationship with their cousins. I have spent WAY too many years "killing them with kindness", making generous offers of help, giving love, encouragement and support, dropping everything in their hour of need to be there for them…only to then be continually ignored every other time. The only thing now is I am no longer going to put in any further effort, as it yields NO positive returns for me. Confronting them does not work; pointing things out does not work, and being kind and enthusiastic for them, about
them, with them…does not work. They sadly really have no interest in me and mine, other than touching base at universal family functions and I am just not willing to fight that anymore.
I am not going anywhere, if any one of them decides to finally want a real relationship with me....I am here, ready - willing and waiting. But that desire will need to be initiated by them, and it will need to come about
as a result of their efforts to make it happen. I am simply not putting out any further efforts to try and produce those results. I get I can not do it alone. It does take two people. SO, I will continue being close to mom (as she has always been a wonderful, loving, strong, supportive, giving example of a great mom). I will show up for the universal family functions at the three major gatherings, be gracious, smile and say hello. I’ll listen attentively when someone reaches out. But, I will no longer go into depth about
me and mine. After so many years of it always coming back at me as criticism in one form or another...I am done. I have a wonderful (albeit not easy and occasional pain in the butt) husband, and amazing children; I do not need to listen to continual whispers, critiques, put downs about
my oldest and his "issues" as if he is SO different from others. He is not in any way, shape or form, he has his BP and ADHD issues (as do THOUSANDS of others) and he’s fully regulated on meds and is a MAGNIFICENT young man who I am infinitely proud of (even if he is at the stage of being a teenager that makes me want to pinch his head off a lot!!!! – LOL). The point is, he is a great, bright and loving kid with a wonderful personality. Their criticisms are petty and their own kids behave the exact same way….so it is all about
the pot calling the kettle black. And the same goes about
my twins….they are the most wonderful, energetic and outgoing, and very special kids (and like MANY others…at times…can be listening challenged), but they don’t do anything any of the other kids don’t…they are typical kids…yet MINE…they critique, point out this and that, criticize…etc. I am DONE defending my children, my parenting, my husband, myself and our family with them. I am proud of the job we are doing as parents, and proud of the family my husband and I have built. In fact, thank god my kids have us as parents….because in the hands of any one of them….my poor kids wouldn’t have a CHANCE to really shine and grow into all the potential and splendor they possess…especially my oldest. Instead, his life would have been a total disaster!!!
Anyway, I am doing much better about
this issue. It has really helped to be able to acknowledge my feelings and really know I have been heard. I am fine again for now. The next “adventure” of seeing them…I hope to be in a better place with it, armored and protected better than this last time. It felt a little brutal to have it so blatantly in my face again. I won’t be so taken off guard again. Thank you all so much for listening….HUGS….LFW
Post Edited (loving frustrated wife) : 12/14/2007 1:58:21 PM (GMT-7)