Bp wife wants to sell the house

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Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 28
   Posted Today 4:42 PM (GMT -7)   
My bp wife now wants a divorce and she wants to put the house up for sale because she has spent $10,000 in two months and can't pay her part of the morgage.  I guess she has no intentions of getting help for herself or our marriage.  She thinks she is fine but she bit my head of when i asked how our daughter was doing.  Our daughter has pneumonia.  Then my wife said she wasn't getting upset with me.  She was the one that moved me into this huge house when she decided to work things out with our marriage last time.  She said she could afford it but when you spend money like she is I guess you can't.  she has no money for the morgage of my daughters medicine but she came home from work this week with the windows tinted on her car.  The fifth car in the last year, by the way.  I would love to stay with her and continue to be her husband but I don't believe she is going to let that happen.  We are going to her family's house in another state for Christmas.  I would like to say something to her family about the way she is acting but they only see her twice a year and I don't think they would be able to see the difference in her.  I guess I have no choice but to do what she wants at this point.  She will have to figure it out on her own. sad

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted Today 4:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Until your wife sees that she has a problem and seeks help there is not much you can do.  She sounds like she has bipolar earmarkings but she really needs to speak to her doctor and get evaluated.  If so there are medications that can help.  I think letting her family know what is going on is a smart thing, if they are on good terms.  You may find out she has been like this for a long while and if so she needs help to end her suffering without help.

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending" ~ Maria Robinson

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted Today 11:06 PM (GMT -7)   
familyman, it is time you take control of this situation for you and your daughter. Again, I strongly suggest to you that you consult with an attorney ASAP and find out what your rights are, what is the best way to handle this for your daughters safety - which should be your FIRST priority. Yes, at this point your wife will have to fen for herself. She will have to live with her own actions and choices...well or not. YOU must be the stable adult on the scene and YOU must put your daughter first and take care of you both first and foremost. NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES. I wish you the best during this hard transitional time. There IS a wonderful life waiting for you on the other side of all this mess. There will be joy, love and happiness again...most likely not with your wife. Your choices here will determine how wonderful you and your daughters futures are. My prayers are with you to choose well. LFW

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Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1441
   Posted 12/14/2007 6:46 AM (GMT -7)   

Hello Familyman,

In my opinion, I would definately protect my daughter 1st (she's not getting proper care if she is not getting her medicine) and then I would need to protect myself financially from a spouse that is spending money irrationally. You need to speak to a lawyer to get custody of your daughter and to protect yourself.

Your wife needs serious help. Since she is in a place where she cannot see it or give any attention to realize it for herself, YOU need to take matters into your own hands until SHE is ready to accept that she needs help. Unforturnately, things are probably going to get even a lot more ugly until  until that happens. That is why YOU need to be the logical adult here for You & Your Daughter.

Your wife obviously doesn't understand,(and this type of behavior is very common with bi-polars that have not seen a doctor in a long time and are unmedicated/on the wrong meds),  but a lawyer will understand and will be able to get all of this straightened out for you in the meantime.

Listen to the advise you have been given from others too around here. Many have gone through very similar situations as yourself and know what they are talking about.

Please keep us posted and let us know what happens when you meet with a lawyer.



Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 12/14/2007 3:17 PM (GMT -7)   
I kind of already knew what I needed to do but I my heart I don't want to hurt her. I am going to take care of my daughter. that is a no brainer. i appreciate the advice from everone

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 12/14/2007 9:34 PM (GMT -7)   
You can not think about this as hurting your wife...you must focus on it as protecting your daughter. Your wife is a grown up and sick or not, must be responsible for her own actions. If she is currently ill and refusing help, or is not willing to see what she is doing to you....her loved one, then she needs to be responsible for her own actions. If what you are then required to do to protect your daughter, as well as your own finances...which in turn protects your daughter...then hurts HER as a result. Then SHE, not YOU, is responsible for her own pain. This is sad, but it is reality. Go do the right thing for you all....as hard as that will be. My good thoughts go out to you familyman...LFW

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 12/15/2007 11:04 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry to hear how nasty things have turned, familyman. Every new detail you give us clues us in on how deep your wife's bipolar is. $10,000 in 2 months? Five cars in one year? Tinted windows but no medicine? I mean no judgment here, but your wife's disease is more out of control than you're aware of or letting on, and she needs more help than you know. LFW's right, get yourself help because you need it now too. You need to either protect your daughter and your assets and get out of the marriage willingly OR get far more assertive about getting her help, because her bipolar has taken over her life to the tune of possibly needing hospitalization. Get her family involved. This level of mania is dangerous. As always, I wish you the best.
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Bipolar II
It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 12/16/2007 7:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Protect your daughter. Period. It'll only hurt your wife for a minute...your daughter... for a lifetime. She needs her Father. Period. Whatever happens to the wife is up to the wife... YOUR Daughter is the ONLY one that should matter right now.. The wife will only hurt for a minute, my Mother is severly bipolar & alcoholic with 6 kids, 2 fathers. We are still hurting from the fact that our Fathers weren't there for us. Mom's doing Great now...we still suffer, and some of us now share her disease of the mind. Bless you, always think of your daughter, even when dealing with the wife. Never let your daughter's face leave your mind, think of her.... together you'll come out on top!
Diagnosed with UP Sept. 2007-2nd opinion & 2nd colonoscopy confirmed UP, & UC old pain & new pain, it's spreading...Dec. 2007
misDiagnosed with Degenerative Arthritis, 2006
2 4 asacol 3x daily for UC/UP. 
Canasa suppositories, also 3x  daily,
3tsp. Donnatol elixir every 6 hours, as needed
1 20mg tab aciphex daily
1-2 depakote 3x daily for bipolar disorder
1 tramidol hcl 50mg. every 6 hours as needed for pain, but usually the donnatol takes care of it...now.

olivia of course
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 12/16/2007 10:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Familyman,

I'm with everyone else, first make sure to take care of your daughter. She is the first priority in this situation. Also you should contact a lawyer to find out what can be done in this situation and to protect your assets. Especially with all the debt your incurred. You are not being selfish in this situation, you are trying to be the responsible party and trying to take care of your child. Best wishes in this tough situation.


New Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/18/2007 10:45 AM (GMT -7)   
My wife acts the exact same way.  I really don't know what to say other than I know in my case if my wife wanted a divorce I would do everthing I could to keep my house.  I have worked to hard to let it go.  My wife while she takes her meds does not admit she is bipolar.  The meds help some but sometimes its a real challange.  On the money issue she tries to control all of my spending down to buying a candy bar yet feels she can spend as much as she wants on anything she wants.  I usually give in because I do not like conflict never have.  I know I most likely did not help but just know you are not alone there are a bunch of us in the same or similar boat.  Hang in there.
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