Back on the roller coaster

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Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 12/17/2007 4:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, It seems easier for me to respond to, and hopefully help others, than address my own issues.  I feel like by the time I want to write, it's too much and the same old thing.  Nothing new there.
The doctor changed my meds about 3 weeks ago to 900 mg lithium, 100-200mg serequol and 2 mg royhpnol.  I felt like I was going down again.  Everything started to upset me.  Work was driving me insane so I spoke to my boss and told him I wanted to give up my position as Director and go back to my old job.  He didn't honor my request and I can't quite so I am stuck right now with a huge burden of dealing with upset customers.  I get so depressed after a day of being torn apart.  I hate answering my phone.  Anyway, I went back today and was put back up to 1200mg lithium and he said we will see how that goes.  See ya in a month. UGHHH!  I hope it helps.  I have also been fighting the father of my foster children.  He wants to take them back to his village and has made them stop staying at the house.  It really kills me.  I have been taking care of these children for 5 years. Since they were born. Tis the season.  I just can't get into it.  I hope I will at least have them for Christmas, but you never know.  It just seems like life is throwing some big hits right now. I am looking for another job, but jobs for foreigners are very hard to come by.  I may look at working on a mega yacht, but need to know what is happening with my kids first.
See I told you alot is going on.  No burden to anyone just wanted to get it out and considering my partner and I are don't speak about it and have been fighting this is my only outlet. Hope everyone else is enjoying thier holiday season.

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 12/17/2007 3:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Please don't feel like a burden.  During times like this, this is exactly what you should do.  Reach out and "hear" some friendly voices.  I am sorry you are feeliling so low, and about the foster children.  I can not imagine just how upsetting that would be.  I hope the med increase does well for you.

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending" ~ Maria Robinson

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 12/17/2007 6:40 PM (GMT -7)   
You know I have really tried not to feel that way, but it is just very difficult.  I see people with problems much larger than my own and by nature would rather help them and put my own problems aside.  I guess I have always tried or had to help others and my problems have been insignificant.  I am trying to work on it, I guess that is why I am here.  My feelings and problems are just ignored at home so I guess I am kind of used to it.  I have to be here and support everyone else and deal with my own frustrations silently in my head.  I really am glad I found this site.  I have met some really great people, Wen, Serefena, Olivia to name a few who have really helped, but still feel like I will get scolded or shushed for over reacting.  I know that would not happen here, but it is a fear of mine.  I get excited when I see I have a message and yet scared at the same time.  Strange I know.
On another note if things come in 3's I better beware.  Yesterday I waled out by the waterfall and started watering my big orchid tree and when I stepped on the walkway behind the house and looked down there was a viper coiled up about a foot from me. I never jumped and ran so fast in my life.  Needless to say I got my staff to take care of it(for good). They confirmed 1 bite and dead in 6 hours.  Very scary thinking about the kids and dogs, but that's just one of many things we have to watch for here. Anyway, then We went shopping and a motorcyle with a man, woman and child ran into our car.  It was amazing that they did not fly off of the bike and our driver did not swerve into another lane. I hope the 3rd is a small one. What a day.

olivia of course
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 12/17/2007 9:45 PM (GMT -7)   

I am sorry you are dealing with a tough situation especially around Christmas. I hope things get worked out with your foster children soon, that has be a heart wrenching experience. I cannot imagine, I really am sorry that you have to deal with it.

Don't worry about your meds, things will fall into place soon. It took me a long time to get my meds almost right. I am going to have to change my lithium dose soon, but in the mean time I am not worried about it. Try to take care of yourself and try not to worry too much about other things. You come first, then when you are okay then you can work to make other things better. I hope you find joy soon, and your depression goes away.

Please know we are here for you, even though we are thousands of miles away.


Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 12/18/2007 6:25 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks Olivia.  I guess when I feel like this I do feel like I am 1000's of miles away from anyone who understands.  It is nice as I have said many times to have a place to go and feel at home and have people understand me. Even better is they become friends. I am feeling better tonight.  I had a friend who owns a restaurant ask me to do all of thier appetizers and help with their dinner tomorrow night.  It is exhausting, but keeps my mind busy. They are only expecting about 40 so it won't be too bad.  Tonight i am doing all of the cold items and tomorrow I will go to the rest. after work and do the hot and then help with entree's.

I am "patiently" waiting for my lithium to kick in and just hope it's not too much.  I guess I'll know soon.

I am still very upset about Bank and Bem.  I really hate not seeing them and can't imagine losing them, but I am in a foreign country and don't have much say.  I may have to start throwing money around to try to get things my way, but there are no guarantees.  I will just pray for the best and hope I will get a special Christmas wish.

Just a quick question.  Has anyone heard from Wen.  I sure hope she is doing well.

Good evening all

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 12/18/2007 4:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jery,

Holy cow I'm glad you didn't get bit by a viper. Now THAT is a story! You win for the most exciting backyard story this week.
I'm so sorry to hear about the kids. That must be so frustrating. You must try and keep in mind there's no grand competition of who's sadness is greater or more justified. If you feel sad, you do, and it's that's fine. You just do. What you do about it is what counts, I think. You shouldn't try and keep everything in. I find I just magnify things in my own head. Everything just gets bigger when I hold it in my head. I can't imagine anyone scolding you for wanting to talk. If they do, I'll get 'em! Grrrr.

You know, I haven't heard from Wen in a few days. I'll start a thread and send out a grand request for info!

Take care,
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Bipolar II
It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 12/18/2007 7:13 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks alot for the kind words. How much notice do I have to give you to fly you here to kick some but for those who will not listen or acknowledge my BP?  It's about a 28 hour flight plus a short 2 hour drive so you will have plenty of time to prepare.  Just kidding, but thanks for the offer.  It makes me feel so wonderful just to have the gesture.  It's kinda sad that I have to come here to feel good and accepted for who I am and what I am going through, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I sometimes get a knot in my throat when reading the emails.  I know a bit sappy, but true.

Thank you so much for caring. Everyone.  What a wonderful gift I have been given. I am truly blessed.

Take care and know that I am here for anyone that needs a lift as so many of you have given to me.

loving wife
New Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 1/4/2008 10:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Iherd a older woman once said, life is like a amusement park. some people like to ride the the roller coster which goes up and down and is scary. some people like to ride the marry go round which just goes around and around. I like the roller coster
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