Allow me to welcome you to our board, and I hope you can find some of the suggestions you are looking for here. I think you can. My guess is your wife is stronger than you are allowing for, but the key here is responsibility. She needs to take responsibility for her illness by seeing a doctor, taking her medications and doing her best to be healthy. She needs to take responsibilities for her actions both in your marriage and in her home. And you need to take more responsibility for the way you enable her behavior by silently approving it.
I think there are ways to resist by simply stating what you are doing: "No, I'm not returning the grill. It was a gift from my father, I want it, we don't need the money." You are allowed to have wants and needs too. She may be upset, but she won't have a whole episode over something like that.
It sounds like you are walking on eggshells, afraid to set off an episode. You can't live like that. Our moods are unpredictable, it's true, but they are not our spouse's responsibilities . That's just impossible.
Feel free to ask questions and we'll do our best to help you gauge what's realistic and what's just not.
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare