OK, I'm definately suffering from a pattern of dragging my feet when I'm scared I may have signs of a recurrance. This stinks because I don't really have the right. I call others to the carpet several times a day for not recognizing or correcting their maladaptive patterns. I don't really have the right to just ignore mine, that-- and it's really poor judgment and just plain stupid to drag my feet when recurrences need to be caught early, right? So hear this one out and please give me feedback. I need sound words here.
I just went to my onc about a month ago. I was ok. My weight loss wasn't apparent yet. Since that time, I've gone down two sizes and am thinner than I've ever been. I've lost over twenty pounds. At first I thought it was stress, and then have just been watching it to try and keep it off, but I've never really dieted before, and don't know how much of a difference I'm making with it and would frankly be surprised if I were this successful on my first try lol. I've always been a reactive eater, and go up and down with stress. Still, I've never been this thin, in 25 years anyway. It's good, I wore a bikini yesterday for the first time in many many years, (Yeah, rah rah), but couple this with a new, constant pain in the bone in my mid back and it's got me in mets land in the back of my mind, nagging me. I just went to my pcp about 6 weeks ago to inform him and check up on some explosive diarreah episodes that were too frequent over a six week period, which subsided (but i'm still not right there either). I'm just not right, and have just seen two docs about other stuff.
I've been avoiding going these past few weeks because I just went and don't want to be an alarmist. In september I'll have five years. I get that 'what if I die and leave my son motherless' feeling all over again with this fear. Two nurses I work with in separate sites each came up to me today with concern. I have absolutely no insight into why I've been successful with this "diet" or if I am just losing. My denial can be pretty sophisticated.
Here's the kicker. I should call, but I need a push or loving shove from you all. help
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius
Don't knock on Death's Door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.