Sweetie you are not a baby.
You are a woman who has faced the scariest thing in her life and you endured the God Awful treatments that go with it. If you didn't get scared EVERY TIME you went to the onc you wouldn't be human.
We may be strong on the outside and put on a strong and brave front- but deep inside there is that woman who heard that news and she will never forget it.
I really don't know how to advise you because I am in a pretty bad place myself these days dealing with this disease emotionally. But ask yourself this- did you do everything you possibly could to fight? Did you use everything in the arsenal to beat this beast? Well- it sounds like you DID. So now you have to have faith. There is nothing more you can do. It is in God's hands.
I pray that you get an all clear. And if you don't- heaven forbid- remember- that woman deep inside you is also the strongest most couragious fighter there is and she can battle this beast for as long as it takes.
But I am PRAYING REAL HARD for you that you get a break and get GOOD NEWS.