Hii, chickpea. Believe me, I remember what it was like to be where you are. My mom died of cancer when I was 7. I was 36 when I was diagnosed, with two young girls of my own. I had myself dead and buried before I ever even had a biopsy to confirm it was cancer. I couldn't imagine how my husband was ever going to raise those girls on his own. My surgeon told me that "this is not the end of the world," I remember thinking that that was easy for him to say, he wasn't the one who was going to die. That was almost 15 years ago. I am always, always cognizant that my cancer can still come back. But I don't spend my days worrying about it.. I would have wasted a lot of years worrying if I did!
My surgeon had obviously had different experiences from me. He had seen lots of women with breast cancer go on with their lives. At the time, I only knew people who had died of cancer. My perspective is a bit different today. We see women come to this board all the time who have found a lump and are scared to death. We hope for each and every one of them that it is nothing, a benign growth. And more come back with good news than bad. Let me tell you, we are thrilled when someone gets a benign diagnosis.
A few years after my diagnosis, I had my annual round of scans done. I had a mammogram that showed a mass in my remaining breast. My oncology nurse called me and told me that all the scans were clean, but the mammogram... My reaction was very different from my first experience. Again, I assumed it was cancer. But my next thought was, "but all the scans were clean, so thank god it is only the other breast." It turned out to be nothing. I've also had another lump in the remaining breast biopsied. It was benign.
When I answer posts like yours, I try to give some balance. It could be cancer,yes, but it could be something else. Our friend MK would say, "try not to worry til you know you have something to worry about." I think those are golden words of wisdom.
So no, it is not easy to be up and positive when it comes to someone else. I know exactly what it is like to be scared silly. I know October 26 seems like a lifetime away. And I'll be hoping for you that it is nothing. I'll be happy dancing for you if it is nothing. And if it is something... I know from my own experience that there will be time to deal with that should it happen.
"There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker." --Charles Schulz