Oh, Lmarie... it is so hard, I know. You know, when I was going through treatment, the most important thing to me was to keep my life as "normal" as possible. Some days, all I could do was put one foot in front of the other to keep going, but that's what I did. And I tried to keep a smile on my face and humor on my tongue, because otherwise I might just cry and scream and fall apart. I did the same as you, I went out and got very long hair whacked off short before it fell out, went wig shopping... my hubbie went with me, and I let him pick out my new hair. Oh, my, it was some big hair! Letting him pick was probably not the best decision I ever made! But he thought I looked beautiful in it, so what the heck! I was always smashing it down, and he was always fluffing it up. It really didn't matter, because the only time I wore the thing was when I was at work. Sinead O'Connor was big then (I'm dating myself here!), so I could easily go out with the bald head and get mistaken for a teenager, especially when I was with my teenaged daughters! But initially, the loss of that long blonde hair that my husband loved so much was worse than losing the breast.
I remember one of my doctors telling me, "we're thinking about the long term here, we're not even going to think about you leaving us anytime soon." I tried to keep that hope he had like a promise in my heart. And there were days that were bad, but there were days that were good as well. So you just have to get yourself through the bad days, and enjoy every minute of the good ones. Easier said than done, I know. It sounds kind of silly, but when I was down, I would tell myself that I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and be just as dead, so I shouldn't waste my time grieving over breast cancer. Might not work for everyone, but we all find our ways, no matter how ridiculous they sound to others, and we deal with it the best we can.
Hugs to you!
"There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker." --Charles Schulz